A Tale of Time

Chapter 4: Queens

Chapter 4

Gailien wakes again, covered in her own sweat and tears – though thankfully no blood. The winter blanket on her cot tangles in her legs as she kicks them about, kicking and pushing away invisible beings. Her chest heaves as she snaps her head around, looking for any sign that her dream was real. But she has awoken to an empty tent, not even the healers around.

The white sheet creases under her clenched fingers which are just as tightly shut as her eyes as Gailien tries to settle both her mind and body. It was another dream, her third, that has been like this. Even since she first came back to the land of the living, every night has plagued her with nightmares that are specifically made to be her worst fears.

Last night she had dreamt of Smaug again, terrorizing the Lake-Town. She had just stood there, watching as people screamed and burned alive right in front of her. But she had done nothing except watch.

And this night it was Thorin. It was like he was sick again, but his eyes showed her that he was not. He cursed at her in Khazdul, drawing his sword to her neck. He told her that she was lying (about what, she will never know). Spit flew from his mouth like a feral animal.

Gailien sits numbly as she recalls every second of the dream.

He had forced her back to the edge of the battlement, the stone edge digging into her back, but she didn't dare look over. Behind him, the rest of the company stood watching blankly. All except Kili who had the smallest smile on his mouth as Thorin pressed the sword deeper to her throat.

Gailien's hand rises to the spot, half expecting to feel the wound of a shallow cut but there is only the dwindling pain of the bruises. She buries her head into her hands, crying silently.

She knows that it isn't her Thorin – not the one who she has fallen in love with but the fear in the back of her mind grows because he has been that man. Drowning in Gold Sickness. Was it luck and fortune when Thorin dropped her on the side of the battlement with the stairs? Would he have dropped her from the other if had the chance?

Why must her mind taunt her in such ways?

Someone is coming down to collect her today and help her travel back to Erebor to stay under the watch of the Dwarven healers instead. If she is to be candid with herself, the thought of seeing Thorin and Kili is sickening. Like she has swallowed an entire bottle of seawater that now sploshes in her stomach.

Gailien tries to convince herself that she has just scared herself with the dreams, and that once she sees them again all will be normal. But the fear that she will be facing his anger and Kili's blame never truly leaves her as she waits alone in her tent.

She does get one surprising visit while she waits. Gandalf comes in to see her, filling her in with everything else that she has missed in his own side of the story. It is a pleasant visit, and Gailien teasingly tells him not to visit her with another quest or adventure for at least another twenty years. Gandalf promises to not visit her for such reasons unless in dire need.

Just as he is about to leave, another thought wriggles into her mind. "Gandalf," she calls. The Grey Wizard turns around, leaning on his staff. "Do...Do you know how long I will live for? I know in my heart that I have chosen mortality but I don't know if the Valar have yet to recognise that choice."

"That, my dear, is an utter mystery to me," he answers. "You may live for another thousand years, or you may begin to fade within a week." Gailien's skin on her face pulls tight. "Not to worry," Gandalf says quickly, fixing his words. "You will most likely pass due to mortal wounds or sickness. Or if you choose to die willingly."

"So I have no idea when I will die?" Gailien states blankly.

"Does anybody?" Gandalf counters. Gailien thinks about his words then nods silently in agreement, letting the wizard leaver her tent. She recalls what she had said to Legolas when they were in the Mirkwood cells: what is the point of mortality when everything she loves is cursed by death? And still, she has not found anything to counter that argument. But what if she outlives the Dwarves? She would have to live with Thorin's passing, then eventually the brothers and the rest of the company until she is the only one still alive.