We the Weirdos

Chapter Thirty-Six

"I remember the first day of school here, I'd expected to be the quiet nerd of the school, ignored. And the thing was- I was okay with that. I accepted my fate- not that I wanted attention or that I minded." I paused.

"The second week of school here," I continued, "I sat in the very front of the class, people finding me annoying because I was quote a 'know-it-all.' I was actually pretty surprised, and I asked, "Wait, you can see me?" I had a pretty funky sense of humor back then."

I heard a few murmurs in the audience about me still having a funky sense of humor.

"So I'm going to make this quick," I said,  "To those young people in the crowd, I'm pretty sure you've heard all those cliche quotes and stuff, so I'm going to wrap this up pretty quick. I've learned all of these along my way in high school, but I suffered punishment for not knowing sooner." I paused, waiting for the words to sink in.

"So if I were you, I'd listen very closely." The audience's quiet chatter went to pure silence.

"When someone tells you you can do anything, they're lying because you really can't do anything."

A murmur of agreeance scattered throughout the crowd of graduating seniors.

"Number two," I said, "When someone says life is an open door, do something before it closes, just watch it close and open it again. It's how doors work. If one door closes and another opens without you doing it, your house is haunted and you need to run."

"Number three," I concluded, "I promise this is the last one, parents if you're not that happy about your child learning all these wonderful things. The school cafeteria food tastes awesome, and try not to miss pizza day. Okay, I'm done now. Wait... what am I supposed to say? Oh, I remember now. Thank you."

When I went back to my seat, Lysander whispered in my ear. "Way to go, you, the only one that can actually embarrass yourself in front of society."

"Shut up," I grumbled.

We watched other people announce their speeches, and a million years later, it was Lysander's turn.

"Come up with me." He said.

"What? No!" He tugged me up to the stage anyway.

"Okay, stop gossiping, people," Lysander said to the crowd, "She's here because I know she probably forgot to say something because she was too busy embarrassing herself."

"He's lying," I commented loudly so the entire crowd could hear.

The crowd laughed.

"I'm going to give a pretty nice speech because I want someone else other than my 5th-grade teacher proud of me." He said, "Moving on."

"I really like Cheeze-its, and Goldfish, maybe-" I cut him off.

"This is a speech about, well, school-related, not an interview for the world to hear!" I said, trying to be quiet but I'm pretty sure the crowd heard, and they chuckled.

"Okay, fine. High school was pretty hard all the way in Cali. Oh, I loved the earthworm Sally song thing... it was awesome. Does no one seriously know what I'm talking about? You know, 'Earthworm Sally, carrying diseases from Florida to Cali, F-"

"Yeah, Lysander, we get the point."

"Oh. Okay." He said. "Continuing. Then I moved here, met crazy people, someone in particular named Julia," he looked at me, "And probably got mad at a few people... tried not to murder people... and that brings us up to date."

"Oh, and one more thing," he said, "I had no idea I was going to graduate or survive high school. The end." He concluded.

"This isn't a fairy tale!" I said, "If you lose your show at the party at midnight, you're probably drunk."