"Ay drop Lonely Child. And that one wit Quando and Gates." I said to my producer before taking a pull from my cigar.
It's been some months since Miyah's death. Since I- everyone has talked to Ari. She moved, nobody really know where. But we do know she wit this nigga who call himself G herbo.
Shit's just crazy. I got so many babies comin it's ridiculous.
Ariana Fletcher
"They couldn't even protect yo damn baby why the fuck would I let you back over there?" Herb yelled at me.
I met Herb like a week after I got out the hospital which was July 30th. We were friends and we got together in August. We moved to Atlanta. He been getting abusive since September. But I guess I'm just too scared to leave.
"And why the hell you got that shit on? Go put a fuckin shirt on! Them scars ugly as hell." I nodded before running upstairs to get a shirt.
I looked in the mirror and sighed. I done lost all my confidence and weight. It's not even funny. All these ugly ass scars on my chest is gross.
I got dressed and did my makeup making sure to cover my bruises and then took a picture.
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(Yes I went all the way to 2016 for this pic and yes I forgot to like. Fight me)
When I posted it I ran into the toilet and threw up.
Oh shit
When I got done I brushed my teeth and went downstairs.
"Herb I'm finna go to the store." I said and he shrugged texting on his phone.
Car
I set my spotify on shuffle and then a song by Kentrell came on. I wasn't familiar with it so it must've been new.
"Pipe that shit up, TNT I just wanna be loved D-Mac on the fuckin' track Don't nobody understand me though Tahj Money
The way I came in the game The image that I had put out They wouldn't expect me to have feelings Know it probably don't seem like it That's why they talk about me like I ain't human But we all is
But I'm still being me I'm still in the streets and I'm still thuggin' Until them niggas put me under, yeah That's how we livin' and that's how we going out You hear me? Open your mouth
I say, mama, I'm so sorry I got ice burn where my heart at On the road where I had it hard at How I'm chosen? I'm so heartless, so, so heartless
I ain't know my age, he was 16, they killed Lil Dave Mind in a rage, I'm way too young to feel this pain I ain't know how to fade, but I dove in 'cause I'm a man I love that girl to death, as we get old, our feelings change
I pay for therapy because my thoughts ahead of me They keep on draggin' me, I play for keeps, they scared of me I cannot barely, can barely sleep or even breathe I cannot hold on without you on side of me
I never knew this fame would take the ones I love from 'way from me I wanna see Kacey bad, but I can't seem to call Nene Go in with no pen and pad, I got this shit right on my sleeve Right now my candle burning wax, I'm feelin' like it's burnin' me
I'm just a lonely child Who wants someone to help him out, oh, oh, ah, ah Take this pain away, this pain away Because my head been runnin' wild, wild
I fell in love with Kaylyn Without even knowin' this bitch done snaked me I'm missin' Ari daily, the one who don't make me feel basic Happiness I'm chasin', while killers behind me tryna blank me You don't know what I'm feelin' Or what I'm thinkin' and you can't change me
I miss my fuckin' daddy, I've been callin' Montana my father Times been gettin' harder I came from nothing, now bitch, I'm royal I call Monique my mama, but Lord knows I need Sheronda I don't need no commas, I'm feeling like I'm going under
My paw-paw getting old, and once he gone, I'm on my own Right now I'm all alone, I pray that grandmom keep me strong Can't even leave my home, my bracelet beeping plus I'm down I just wan' be gone, my son straight, my money long
Tell me what you feelin', I hope that I can help you out My youngins in that North, I pray that y'all gon' make it out These bitches comin' 'round, and they don't even like my songs I'll burn up the town, before them niggas bust my dome
I wish that I could hear Dump say "What up, lil' brother, " one more time We killing shit and plus we dying I'm gon' go off behind my brother Fuck this charge, I slang that iron Before he go and I don't ride
I'm just a lonely child Who wants someone to help him out, oh, oh, ah, ah Take this pain away, this pain away Because my head been runnin' wild, wild
I'm just a lonely child Who need someone to help him out, oh, oh, ah, ah Take this pain away, my pain away Because my thoughts been runnin' wild
Oh, oh Lord I need some help because my life been real hard The way I approached the game, it seem that I'm hard But I got feelings too just like a lil' boy, oh Lord I'm a grandmom baby." At the end of the song I turned everything off. I wasn't even thinking about how life could affect him.
I grabbed my phone and dialed his number praying it was still the same.
"Wad it is?" He said making me sigh.
"Kentrell?" I said softly but I think he still heard me cus the line went silent for a second.
"Ari? Where the hell you at?" He said and I started driving when the light turned green.
"Uh-listen I heard that song. I wanna say I'm sorry for just up and leaving without telling anybody. I just needed some time by myself." I said and I heard him scoff.
"Yeah wit that nigga G herbo. I be payin attention. But whatever, why you call?" He said and I sighed.
"Nothin man. Nevermind." I said and then hung up.
I looked over at the CVS and turned into the parkin lot. I knew for a fact I was pregnant...again. But I don't want a baby by him. He's gotten me pregnant four times and I have been doing shit to make me have a miscarriage. I know my brother turning in his grave.
It's not like I want to do it. But I don't want a baby by an abusive man. I haven't talked to my mama or anybody since the funeral. It's like I can't face them.
I walked in the CVS and went to get a sprite and then to go get some cough syrup. Yeah I do lean. Makes me feel happy.
I went to the cash register lady and she rung it up for me.
Home
When I got home I went straight upstairs into my bathroom. I poured some of the syrup in first and shook it up watching it turn purple. And then I grabbed two percs from my medicine cabinet and dropped it in there. I watched as the bubbles came up and I closed the lid and shook it for a few seconds.
