Starboy

Chapter 56: To Kill a... Potential Moment

Brandy

A slow, painful month goes by. 

I admit I had a very difficult time not calling Benji at all. Every now and then, I would pick up my cellphone, click on his name and almost hit call. And then I remembered that if he wanted to fix things, he would. He would call me and present some grand gesture that would knock me off my feet — but he hasn't.   

I'm not completely sure what happened that night at Shawn's house but it was bad. My heart is constantly breaking every single time I remember the words we exchanged and how the situation makes me feel. On the bright side, I've been hanging out with my friends a lot more and even got back into skateboarding. It's been raining a lot and it's awfully cold out but that's never stopped us before.

At the park with my friends, all I can think about is Benji. I almost call him again until Hellen snatches my phone away from me. "Hey!" I say. "I wasn't going to call him," I lie. "I... was just thinking about it."

"Mhm," she says with disbelief. "You can get this back after you get your ass onto that ramp," she tells me.

"I can't right now, I'm too depressed," I say.

"What are you, his bitch?" She groans. "It's been a whole month, Brandy. If we were going to call you, he would have done it already."

"Maybe he's just planning the perfect apology," I realize.

"Is he really the only one who needs to apologize?" She says shyly.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, just that it takes two people to get into a fight. And you've told me every detail of what went down between you two and I don't think it's all his fault," she explains.

I sigh. "You're right, I know you're right. I don't know what's wrong with me. Valentine's Day is in a few days and all I can think about is how painfully single I am," I complain. "I was finally going to have a date on this big national holiday, and I ruined it."

"Don't you worry, I will be your date for Valentine's Day." She smiles and puts her arm around my shoulder. "I promise I won't make a move on you." She laughs.

I laugh too. "I would love that, Hel," I say.

"I'm surprised you two haven't spoken at all since that party," she says. "Don't you two have classes together?"

"Yeah, but they're lectures, which means there are about three hundred other people. We've made awkward eye contact but we haven't uttered a word to each other," I explain. "I'm surprised he hasn't said anything to me."

"Maybe he's embarrassed," she guesses. "He tried making up with you and you rejected him."

"True, but then he was all over some girl at Shawn's place, rubbing it in my face," I remind her.

"Okay, didn't you also bring a date though?"

"Miles? Miles doesn't count," I say. "We're just friends."

"But he likes you," she says.

I huff. "No, he doesn't."

"Uh, I beg to differ. I've seen you with him and he totally has a boner for you." She laughs.

I playfully slap her. "Gross!"

"In all seriousness, B, we'll figure it out together, okay? Whatever you need, you come and find me. It's you and me, right?" She wraps her arm around me.

I smile back at her. "Right."

I head back to my Dad's place, which is currently also my place. I moved out of the apartment a few nights after that encounter with Benji. Being in a space that reminded me so much of him was hard. I just needed some time away from him — even just a place that smells like him.