Chelsea - Leeward

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Review: Leeward

ReviewerMrsCLSmith

Clientempiresofwater

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Cover:

I love the cover! It reminds me of a cover you'd see in an actual book store for a historical novel. The style is not often used on Wattpad, and that's a shame because it's so nostalgic (at least for me) and pleasing to the eye. I love the ship in the background; it let's the reader know right away that this is a story set on the high seas of the past. The font you chose for the title works perfectly, too. The only thing I think that I'd consider changing is perhaps the quote at the bottom. I think it would look better if it was just one line and a little smaller, and that's me being nit-picky.

Title:

The title is also great. I like that you define the word in your author's note, as well, so that your readers can fully understand the meaning. With the definition, the readers are also left guessing about a dangerous moment in the story, perhaps a possible shipwreck whether literal or metaphorical.

Blurb/Summary:

Your summary certainly does its job, but I think it's a touch lengthy. It also feels like the tidbit about Lieutenant Courtney is an afterthought, like it's kind of tacked on. Maybe it's because it's been given it's own paragraph? While I don't think you need to revise it and that your target audience wouldn't be put off by either of those things, that was my first thought.

Writing Style, Grammar, and Mechanics:

Your grammar is *chef's kiss*. Truly, you've done a fabulous job editing. I did not see a single error. That's never once happened to me doing these reviews, so for that I bow to you. It was such a pleasure to read.

That being said, there are a few things you might consider tweaking a bit. First, if I'm being really picky, and I am because this is a review, I'd recommend changing your en dashes to em dashes. It's not totally necessary, but it would be a good idea to do so if you decided to pursue traditional publishing. Generally, in that case, your manuscript will be expected to be formatted in a certain style, all of which use em dashes where you've used en.

Additionally, when it comes to style, I think the story could benefit from a more active voice. You use passive voice often. While this may be your preference and style choice, I also think it slows the pacing (I'll touch on that in a moment). Of course, I think some passive voice is okay, especially in a historical piece, but again, it's often indicative of showing rather than telling as well as causing sentences to be much longer than they need to be (more on this later).

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your writing style for the most part. It captures the essence of the era and fits the genre. Those are just two small things I thought you might consider when editing.

Plot/Setting/Pacing:

I need to preface this by saying that, while I read a lot of historical fiction, I had never read anything in the Age of Sail subgenre. This story made me consider trying it out! You clearly have a deep knowledge of the period and an understanding of the genre. I could sense your passion for the sub-genre in the story.

Even though I've only read the first five chapters, I think the plot is very solid. The mystery surrounding the Ulysses and its mutiny made me want to keep going, especially after chapter five and the interview with the survivors. Nightingale's trauma, placed ever-present in the background of it all, adds a layer of emotion to the story as well. I also love that this story is m/m! I didn't really get to see much of that this early on in the story, but I love that you didn't make their sexuality their whole personalities. They're officers that just happened to be gay. It's refreshing and respectful.

My favorite thing about your writing is your gift for describing the setting. In the very first paragraph, your description of the gun fire and battle is so well written and produces perfect imagery. What makes your descriptions so enjoyable to read is that you don't only include visual imagery. For example, the line about the cannonballs wailing like a thousand banshees really stuck out to me. It makes the writing cinematic, pulling the reader into a sensory experience.

I think the only thing you could improve upon is the pacing. It's slow at times, even during the battle scene in the first chapter. If you adopted a more active voice when passive is not necessary stylistically, I think it would improve. For example, in that first chapter, you wrote, "She was spitting gouts of flame, which licked up her ragged sails." Simply changing that to, "She spat gouts of flame, which licked up her ragged sails," would improve readability and pacing. My biggest suggestion to you is to go back through your story and revise sentences like that one. You don't have to, and shouldn't, remove all of the passive voice, but editing the majority of it will definitely take this story up to a more professional, "masterpiece" level.

Characters:

Nightingale is certainly an interesting main character. His past mixed with his present mission clearly take a toll on his mental state. You do a nice job making sure the reader is aware that Nightingale is not fully healed from the trauma of battle and that this new position being in charge of a ship again as well as investigating the Ulysses might not be the best thing for his mental health. Your addition of little things like his headache in chapter five act as little clues so that it's not too obvious.

That being said, you "tell" instead of show a lot about your characters. For example, you say, "(He) awoke with a headache," "His head throbbed." I want to see him rub his temples; I want to see him grab his forehead as it aches; I want to feel the throbbing in his skull. You do such an amazing job describing the setting. I felt that the characters weren't given the same treatment. I want more reactions and subtle movements showing their feelings, what they're thinking. In chapter five, Fairfax has a three paragraph long speech during which we get no character reactions whatsoever, and the stuff he's saying is wild! It might be my personal preference, but I'd like to see more from the characters.

Overall, I think you've got an amazing story on your hands. The world you've built with your descriptions is so detailed and well researched. While there are a few things I think you could improve upon, for the most part, you have a winner on your hands!

Recommendation:

I would absolutely recommend this story to any fan of historical fiction. 

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