Swallow Your Affection

Just a Tad Colder

The house felt... colder.

Metaphorically and physically he supposed.

You left.

Took your chance to leave and walked out the door with a grin and a wave.

Something in him felt colder.

Now that the fire place wasn't burning with intense heat twenty-four seven the house was definitely colder.

But that warm feeling everytime he'd catch your eye- or see you snuggled into the horde of pelts- or catch you sending that smile of yours his way. That smile.

Not that it was special- he's seen you throw it to every person who gives you time out of their day- but that smile.

The warmth in him always swelled- a warmth that forced him to smile back.

But now look at the place.

Cold.

Techno was currently sitting atop a chest.

Fiddling with a set of netherite armor- early morning frost seeped into every nook of his house. He didn't have enough time to pile up the fire high. Didn't need to at least.

The cold always felt good for him- unnatural for sure, but there's something about standing against a cold wind that felt freeing, so why bother too much with fire?

He let out a long huff.

Followed by him adjusting how he was sitting. He hadn't eaten yet- really didn't feel like doing anything food related.

The voices were especially loud today- screaming out at the lose of his roommate.

Hug buddy this- hug buddy that-

They wouldn't stop-

And everytime he so much as glanced at the pelts by the fire place they'd start screaming 'pelts for the pelts horde' which was grating on his nerves.

Carl was already let out- and currently Techno should be going to the nether to poke around for ghast tears- but instead he just felt... saddened?

Disheartened?

Unmotivated.

Yeah.

That word.

Cold, and unmotivated.

When he said he'd miss her he was joking.

But now he wasn't sure it was a joke anymore, and he felt angry he even let himself get attached to something so easily.

He roughly gripped the helmet in his hands- squeezing hard around the plates- netherite nearly piercing skin-

He released.

Sagging- another lonely sigh drifting into the house.

He couldn't focus.

So instead of messing with armor- or even heading to the nether, he climbed into the attic.

The attic that was supposed to be his bedroom, before a certain injured bastard claimed it as their own.

Back to being his bed he supposed.

But it didn't feel like his.

Techno calmly stood beside the bedside- reaching a hand out, feeling the fleece blankets.

Unfamiliar to him.

He didn't sleep in this bed.

He sat down on it, feeling it crease with his weight-

He was vaguely familiar with this motion.

Many a times during your more unconscious phaze he'd sit there, head hung- sagging against his tired hands- fighting every voice in his head off.

Every voice that cried that you were dead.

But you weren't.

You wouldn't have healed if you weren't.

He layed down- against pelt and fleece alike- head resting against the pillow- eyes fluttering to look at the ceiling.

He was met with wood rafters and attic walls. A sight you probably had to stare at for hours on end.

Not anymore.

Now you were probably off chatting with the people that hated him. Probably already on your way to visit Tommy- also someone he was sure hated him.

Not many people didn't hate him, and most people who didn't hate him didn't necessarily like him either.

He quirked his lips up at that.

Not a favorite.

That's for sure.

A public menace to most.

Not to you.

Not that he could tell.

He did shitty things- and you reacted like a normal person would- but you still laughed with him- you were actively trying to move past the drama?

He rolled over- laying on his side and staring at the wall instead of the ceiling.

The whole bed smelled of you- that sickeningly sweet scent- mixed with ash and fire- vague hints of hay mixed in from when you were probably scurrying around outside with Carl.

He took a deep breath, before rolling over- burying his face into the pillow- still trying his absolute best to drown out the voices.

He could feel a headache coming on, and he was not ready to deal with that.

He took comfort in the fact that the bed smelled like you.

A moderate comfort that made him feel a little less lonely.

If he thought hard enough it was almost like you were there- beside him- easing the cold in his chest- making the heat of the house spark back to life.

If he thought harder he could remember the times you were next to him- when he awoke early one morning- your small form pressed against his chest like you were digging around for the warmest spot possible-

How you felt safe enough to just casually sleep there like he hasn't shown you hundreds of times before just how monstrously brutal he was.

He could tear you apart- he's thought the thought before, but he doesn't- and merely let's you burrow farther into his chest-

Techno slips his hands under the pillow- resting his chin on it- picturing you- remembering the comfort you unknowingly brought-

Pictured you again, beside him, knowingly nestling close- looking him in the eyes and squinting at him with that small little smile.

Then a flash-

And it was all teeth and heat- his mouth against your own- panting heaving- hands dragging you closer- nails marking- crushing you to his figure and making you crumble-

His eyes snapped open- the sudden rush of thoughts making him flinch-

Oh gods.

He just.

Techno flicked his ears back in annoyance. First attachment issues, and now this- he was not pleased.

Despite the anger- a small piece of himself preened at the thought- rumble in his chest evident.

He despised himself sometimes.