The Fallen Widow

36. Returning Home

Golden streams of sunlight flooded through the window in a well-mannered announcement of the risen sun. Meh'r-Bano stirred on the strong but soft mattress when the sunlight blasted on her resting eyes. Where am I? When she shuffled her leg the slightest, a throbbing pain ran through her body pounding into her brain. She moaned and pressed her hand on her forehead. She brushed her hair from her face and realised where she was. The drapes blew around her like she was lying in the forest with ghosts lingering over her. Her body sticky from the dressing and the pain made her clench her eyes tight. When she turned to her left, she saw dai-ama asleep on the chair. Her head tilted to her right and tabseeh prayer beads in her right hand. Was she there all night?

After pushing passed the pain, she groaned and forced her body and sat up. Her throat was dry and her try lips stuck together. To her right was a bedside table loaded with a steel jug of water. If only she could reach it and quench her throat? The whip. Who was he? Who sent him to deliver the punishment? There was one answer.
'I will crush your spirit. You will be punished. No one gets away with high treason.'

It was fifteen minutes later when dai-ama shuffled and woke in her chair. Meh'r-Bano watched the fan spin as her mind wandered with the fan. Was Shafiq waiting at home? Did he go to the garage? Had someone given her father-in-law his blood pressure medication?
"Puthar, you're awake? How are you feeling?" Dai-ama made her way towards the bed. Meh'r-Bano pushed her body up.
"Wait. Let me."
Together, dai-ama supported Meh'r-Bano to sit up propping pillows behind her. Dai-ama poured a glass of water and bought it to her dry lips. She drained the glass like a thirsty traveller traipsing through the desert. Dai-ama gave her two glasses of water.

"How are you feeling, puthar?" Dai-ama looked at her with frown lines across her forehead.
"I want to sleep for a hundred years." Her body throbbed with pain, but her soul was exhausted. Her goals and dreams that imbued joy in her soul died a tragic death yesterday. There was nothing left.
"Are you in any pain?" Dai-ama rattled with the pills bottles and handed it to her. Meh'r-Bano held her hand and dai-ama sat down.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? Did you sleep here all night?"
Guilt weighed her conscience- dai-ama didn't want to be at the haveli anymore.
"I arrived with the intention of change." Said Meh'r-Bano.
"Maybe I could speak up for the children at the quarry and secure them an hour reading and writing. But look-" She glanced at her damaged body.
"I have caused more damage than change."
Tears strolled down her cheeks. "These walls are too high to come down." She sighed with a deep-rooted sadness. Something inside her died that morning.
"I want to go home." She met dai-ama's narrow eyes. "Do you think they will let me?" Meh'r-Bano pleaded in a squeak fearing the walls would hear her.
Dai-ama framed her petite face with her hands. She had secured Meh'r-Bano's release from the haveli from Shah Nawaz. She had his word and his word was his honour.
"Go. Go home. Be safe and don't come back."
Meh'r-Bano bowed her head in mourning. Her dreams and hopes of relieving the children quarry from their misery died.
Before sending Meh'r-Bano out of the haveli, dai-ama combed her hair standing behind her.
"Tell me something puthar. Last night you were reciting Ya Lateef over and over in your sleep." Dai-ama shared the sacred name of Allah translated as 'Oh Gentle one.'
Meh'r-Bano wasn't aware she was reciting it in her sleep. She closed her eyes recalling the moment she fell unconscious. An image of her mother with the voice of sai-baba.
"I have a tasbeeh." Meh'r-Bano couldn't remember where she put the prayer beads. "Sai baba gave me the tasbeeh and told me to read 'Ya Lateef' one hundred and thirty-three times."
Dai-ama's hand stopped mid combing. Sai baba was a man of few words. He was a spiritual nomad renowned for seeing the unseen.
"He gave me a tasbeeh. I think I left it at the servant quarters. Do you know what it means?"
"It is a prayer to be recited when going through hardship. By reading it you will be in the realms of Allah's care and gentleness."
Dai-ama continued to comb her long, thick hair whilst entangling her thoughts. What did it mean that sai-baba not only offered her a tasbeeh but also a special prayer? Did he forecast her trauma? Did he see something in her?