Guilty Love

11| Distance

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Distance

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Chapter 11: Distance (London's POV)

I shifted in my sleep feeling nothing but restless and discomfort. I kicked the covers off and opened my eyes. I stared ahead, where I was so sure Ronan was sitting a while ago. I groaned, going to rub my eyes, and realized my cheeks were damp with tears. 

Had I been crying in my sleep? Because of the dream? 

I rolled onto my back, glancing down at the ice pack on my ankle. I checked my phone for the time. It's only two-thirty in the middle of the night. I sighed and sat up, taking the ice pack off and leaving it on my nightstand for the time being. I turned on my lamp, noticing immediately that the bracelet was missing. "Huh," I mumbled to myself, checking the drawer and everything. 

Where did I put it? 

I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom, stretching my foot before standing up. It didn't hurt as much anymore, it was enough to walk on and tolerate. I flicked the bathroom light on, squinting under it as I went to tie my hair in a ponytail, feeling the bracelet on my wrist. I looked down at it, tracing a finger over the crystal. I used the bathroom and then went back out, crawling into bed, turning the lamp off. 

I flipped my pillow over to the cool side and started thinking about the dream that essentially woke me up. I had woken up and while I tried to go back to sleep, I couldn't stop replaying it in my head over and over again. That night. That goddamn cursed night. 

He left me that night, he left Runville that night. He said some of the worst things anyone has ever said to me and he completely broke my heart. 

How could I move past that so easily? Tonight was a mistake, it was a moment of weakness and I can't let it happen again. I should have known from the minute he grabbed my wrist and made me sit with him as he signed those books. He had made too much progress in one night. I can't let him back in again. Distance is my safest bet. Distance between us is what I need right now. So I won't break again, so he won't be able to break me again. Game or no game, we need to understand what we're really doing here. 

I don't know if he's trying to hurt me more or if he's trying to get me back, all he's doing is confusing me. And that somehow hurts me too because some memories, you just can't let go of. Some things you just can't move past. Some things you just can't forgive. 

I rolled back onto my side, turning the lamp on and dragging a hand down my face in frustration. I scooted to the other side of the bed and grabbed my desk chair, pulling it closer and digging out his book. I pushed the chair away and moved back to my side, sitting against the headboard as I stared down at the cover before opening the first page. The dedication page. And I felt my heart completely stop. 

"For the only girl I've ever loved, the only person who showed me what love felt like, the only one whose heart I broke, with my own."

I slammed the book shut, taking a few breaths. I need to stop doing this and get him out of my head. It sounds like a good book, that's the only reason I'm reading it. I should forget who it's written by and who it's dedicated to. I'm only here for the book's plot. I opened it to the first page and started reading. 

As my eyes moved from one word to the other, from one page to the next, from one chapter to the one after that, I saw the similarities between Atlas and Ronan. The similarities between Atlas and the last version I saw of Ronan.