Childish

27

Ms. Diane picked me out of the crib and held me against her chest. "Lyla, honey, what's wrong? Can't you sleep?"

I shook my head as I rested it on her shoulder.

She brushed my hair back from my shoulder. "Maybe I can help you fall asleep."

"I'm not tired." I lied. I was tired. I tried sleeping after lunch when I was put in my crib but I just couldn't fall asleep. I wanted nothing more than to curl up with my blanket and my bear and sleep until Alex got there. But I didn't think that was going to happen.

She carried me toward the small kitchen area of the room and grabbed my sippy cup from the drying rack beside the sink. "I bet this formula would say otherwise."

I sighed. She knew me too well. I couldn't hide anything from her.

"Is something bothering you? Sometimes I can't sleep when there's something on my mind."

"What would you be thinking about that would make it hard for you to sleep?" She was a babysitter, essentially. Why would she have anything to worry about? What would she worry about?

"There were some days you didn't come to school. I never knew what was going on or if you were okay."

"You worried about me?" I asked incredulously.

"I did and I still do. I don't have any children but I'd like to think of you as one of my children."

Ms. Diane was someone I always felt comfortable around. I felt safe with her even when everything was scaring me and nothing felt normal. She didn't act like the rest of the people in Alpine and I really appreciated that.

She handed over the sippy cup of formula. "I want you to try to get some sleep, Lyla. I'm sure Alex would be mad at me if I let you go home cranky."

"He's used to me being cranky."

"He would still be upset with me that you didn't get your nap."

I rolled my eyes. Alex wasn't the type to get mad over a missed nap. But I had a feeling he would get mad over any mistreatment toward me. Not that Ms. Diane would treat me poorly at all.

She walked over to the rocking chair and sat down. I was sure the motion of the rocking and the formula in my sippy cup would put me to sleep. Or at least, make me feel tired.

I relaxed into her, getting into a more comfortable position. I put the cup to my lips and sucked on the plastic spout. I could remember a time when I hated the formula. It tasted like milk that wasn't quite right. It wasn't natural and I didn't want to comply by enjoying it. But over time, I realized that it wasn't going to hurt me to drink it. If anything, it could potentially help me in aiding with my growth and development.

Or... that was the hope.

I closed my eyes and envisioned myself with my mom. She would hold me close and sing softly. She loved Whitney Houston and would always sing I Will Always Love You to me. She helped me fall asleep no matter what I was feeling just before bedtime. Even if I were cranky and fighting sleep or mad at her over not giving me enough attention or ice cream before bed, she knew that our time together was what I needed. Just her presence alone helped resolve any bad feelings I was dealing with at that moment.

I felt my body weight shift and I opened my eyes to see Alex taking me from Ms. Diane. He had a cream-colored dress shirt on with a dark blue tie covering the buttons. I could smell the cologne he always sprayed on his neck.

I lifted my head and glanced around us. Two of the other kids were already gone. The rest were still asleep in their cribs, oblivious to the new person in the room. As I was scanning, I saw something in my crib and whined.

"Ly, what is it?"

"My bear."

He walked over to the crib and picked up my bear. He handed it to me. "Don't lose it."

I rolled my eyes.

"Was she good for you today?"

Ms. Diane smiled, her eyes lowering to look at me. "She's always good."

"Did she tell you to say that?"

"She doesn't need to tell me to say it. She's one of my better ones here. She's not constantly needing our attention."

That didn't feel like the truth after she yelled at me the week prior. If it were the case, she wouldn't have had to say anything to me at all.

But I let it go because at least she thought I was one of the best kids in the room. I usually didn't get told that so I was gladly going to take it.

Alex helped me put my shoes on before grabbing the strap of my diaper bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Ms. Diane stopped us before we could leave. "I wanted to let you know that Lyla had a hard time falling asleep today. I got her to sleep for a little bit in the rocking chair but she didn't sleep at all in her crib."

Alex looked down at me, probably wondering why I was having trouble falling asleep. I usually didn't so I could understand him being confused.

I avoided his gaze, hoping he wouldn't bring it up once we left the classroom.

"I'm sure it's nothing but I wanted to let you know."

"Of course. It could just be nothing but I'm glad you told me." Alex finished talking with Ms. Diane then headed out into the hallway. We almost made it to the main doors when he stopped and sighed, meaning he had something to say.

"I don't wanna talk about it." The words gushed out of my mouth. It was obvious something was up. I wasn't the best at hiding things.

"We have to, Lyla." His voice was soft, not like the normal times he scolded me for doing things I shouldn't have.

I turned into his chest, my arms wrapped around his neck, and buried my face into the dress shirt he wore. I usually didn't like serious talks unless it meant it was for my benefit. This time was no exception.

But I knew he was expecting an answer from me.

And I couldn't keep secrets from him.