Ciel [Yoonmin]

53.

Hoseok patted the space next to him so Jungkook could lay down. The carpet was warm and fuzzy beneath them.

The ceiling above was white color with brownish spots. Jungkook was trying to make shapes out of the dots while Hoseok's mind remained blank.

His hectic job had his mind racing twenty-four seven, but with Jungkook everything was calm. Euphoric. It was so soothing and calm that he could fall asleep.

"Do you see that?" Jungkook asked, pointing to the ceiling. "I see a lion. Can you see it too?"

Hoseok shook his head no, "Not really. I don't have a very vivid imagination."

"Hmm. I do. Maybe that's why we balance each other out." He grinned.

Hoseok nodded with a sweet smile. The silence returned as they kept looking at each other. At one point Jungkook looked back up, nibbling then inside of his cheek.

"Hoseok," he began.

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm going to leave. Actually, no. I am going to leave."

Hoseok held his breath. It hurt to breathe. He knew this was what was best for him. For his mental health. He couldn't bear to see him shut down into a depressive shell again. That hurt far worse than him leaving.

"That's good. Really good." He said with a lump in his throat.

"I don't want to leave you. If you could—"

Hoseok pressed his finger against his lips to stop his speech. "I can't come with you." He responded.

Jungkook's face saddened within seconds. How could he start over without his sunshine? Hoseok was the only that was keeping him sane.

"You need to grow by yourself. I have no part in your healing. If I go with you, you won't ever heal completely. You need to get out by yourself and learn your body, your thoughts. Self caring and self love is necessary to function. If I go with you, I'd only put you behind."

Jungkook laid his head on Hoseok's shoulder and squeezed his arm tight. He didn't deserve him. Not in this lifetime, not in the next, not even a million years.

He knew that Hoseok was right, but the fear of being alone was submerging him into a spinning vortex. Could he be by himself and be okay?

"I'm sorry we can't be.  If he hadn't showed up in my life then maybe we could be together. I really wish we could." Jungkook whispered.

Hoseok hummed, kissing the top of his head. "Me too. Right person, wrong time." He said.

Jungkook looked up at him and grabbed his face. He planted a kiss on his lips and then went back to resting against his shoulder.

It hurt to have an almost with Hoseok.

It hurt far worse than Taehyung leaving.

What a tragedy to know that even though their connection was so immense their timing just wasn't
right.

•••

"Are we going?" Yoongi asked as he adjusted his collar.

"Going where?" Jimin asked not moving from his place by the glass door.

"To deposit money for your mother."

Jimin turned around, shifting his attention to him. "How do you know today is the day?" He asked intrigued because ever since Chan started guarding he had switched the days.

Something about going on the same day with Chan felt odd. Not to mention his mother was still not accepting the money so at times he skipped doing it.