Thin Lines

Why are you here?!

Xela

I'm dreaming.

I'm dreaming I'm dreaming I'm dreaming and I need to wake up.

I'm dreaming because there is no fucking way I just walked into Ryder's house and came face to face with my dad.

"Is everything ok?" Ryder asks, looking confused. I'm about to talk when my dad beats me to it, "We have actually met before, I'm just shocked that she is the girl you were talking about." He says quickly.

Why is he lying???

"How do you know each other?" Blake asks, just as confused.

"I was best friends with her father in high school, she's like a niece to me. You're so big now" He walks forward and embraced me into a hug. I freeze, not hugging him back but not moving away.

I could tell Ryder was suspicious, but Denny and Blake seemed to believe him.

Denny... This means we are siblings! Denny is my brother?

"It's late yeah?" Ryder says, my dad pulls away and gives me a weak smile.

I walk upstairs with Ryder, trying to process what just happened. "Okay now drop the act and tell me what really just happened." He stops me in front of my bedroom door.

I wanted to tell him, I really did. But that would blow up his life, he would hate my dad for leaving me the way he did and lying to him.
He's happy right now with his brothers and my dad, who would I be to ruin that for him?

"It's just hard to see him again." I lie, trying to be believable. "Last time I saw him was before my dad left, when my mom was more normal."

Ryder pulls me into a warm hug, making me even more guilty for lying to him. "I'm sorry for doubting you" he breathes against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"What do you say we have a movie night?" He says as he pulls away. I give him a look, "At midnight on a Sunday ?"

He shrugs, "why not?"

I laugh at his stupid smile that I've grown to love, "Let me shower first." I tell him, standing on tip toes and pecking his cheek.

Once I'm in my room I quickly shower and get dressed into pajamas, momentarily forgetting about the messy situation with my dad.

I hear a knock on the door and open it, "Someone's impatient" I say, expecting to see Ryder. Instead it's my dad.

"Not who you were expecting?" He says, stepping into the room. I cross my arms and move back, allowing him to walk in. I close the door behind him, "We need to talk." He says.

I roll my eyes, "About you abandoning me or lying to my friends about me?"

"You lies to them too, otherwise Ryder would be throwing a fit right now."

I stay silent, knowing he is right about that. "I didn't want to leave you" he says, almost making me laugh. "Oh you didn't want to? Then tell me why you ran off to take care of two strangers and your secret son." My voice was loud, and I had to keep reminding myself not to scream.

"The two strangers were kids about to be thrown into the foster system because-

He pauses, almost like he realized he shouldn't say something. "Because of what" I spat.

He takes a big inhale, "Their father was killed."

I stare at him for a second, not realizing the weight of what he just told me. It doesn't hit me for a minute.

"I killed their father" I say in a whisper, covering my mouth with me hand the second I say it.

"It was an awful decision, but they were going to have awful lives if I didn't take care of them. I made your mother promise to be better and to take care of you."

I couldn't even listen to him trying to explain why he left, all I could imagine was how Ryder would react if he found out.

"Why are you here, Xela?" He asks me. I'm brought out of my daze, and reminded that this man left me with my mom to be abused.

But he couldn't have known that would happen.

Suddenly it all made sense. He told my mom he was leaving because of me. That's why she hates me.

This man informs of me has given me reason after reason to hate him but deep down I know that I don't. I can't.

"I'm going to sleep now." I tell him, opening the door for him to leave. He gives me a weak smile, "I love you, Xela, and I missed you so much" he says before leaving.

I shut the door then sink to the floor with my back pressed against the wood.

I killed his dad.

The worst part was that I can't say I regret it, I would do it again.

Flashback *

"Look who it is!" A man sickly laughs when he spots me on the sidewalk. My mom just sent me to buy her groceries, I was just a block away from home.

My blood ran cold when I recognized the man from a week before. I tried to keep walking when he tossed me over his shoulder and forced me behind a building and I flailed my arms around.

Once he set me down I did everything I could to get away, I couldn't last time, but no way I was doing that again. I couldn't.

I kicked his legs, making him stumble back. "You little bitch" he growled, reaching into his waistband and taking out a pistol.

I could tell he was drunk, he looked just like my mom. He tried to come at me when he tripped, the gun tumbling on the floor and landing next to me.

I hesitantly picked it up as he got to his feet again, looking at me with such a sick look in his eyes. I will never forget that look.

He must not have seen that I was holding his gun, it was dark after all, because he started telling me what he was going to do to me, walking closer every word.

I closed my eyes and aimed the gun just as he was about to lunge for me. I closed my eyes and shot.