If There Was Love For Me

7 - A Drunken Dance

As planned, the ball took place on the last summer day. It seemed like the whole kingdom had come, dressed in all the colors human hands could ban on fabric, but in reality only the noble man and woman were invited. Among them, of course, was Marias mother, who had already seen her dress but still excused her self from the king to compliment her and inquire about her life.

Maria enjoyed the ball more than she had assumed, but as the music became louder and the people drunker, she took her chance to disappear to the princesses chambers, were she took of her shoes and sat down to enjoy some time alone. Even here the music was still audible.

"I thought you went to bed." The princesses voice had caught her of guard. There she was, standing in the door, supporting her self with one hand to stop her swaying.

"And I thought you were enjoying the ball."

"I hate balls." She let go of the door and made a few tumbling steps to the couch, falling next to Maria.

"You said you loved balls."

"I love throwing balls. It gives me something to do. Something better than playing and waiting and wasting away until some stinking nobleman marries me and I waste away somewhere different."

Maria straightened her back and turned to face the princess. She took both her hands and made sure to lower her voice as to get her full attention.

"Gwenewith, you are drunk. You don't mean what you are saying."

"Yes, I do. I want to do so much more than I can do now."

"Well, you are the princess. If you really want to I am sure you could make it happen."

"Yes, yes, of course. I could fight and fight and have everybody look at me like I am crazy. Just because I want to sit at the table when my father decides about taxes and politics doesn't mean anybody else wants me there. And to get there... I would have to stop being a girl and start being a man. And I don't want to be a man, I just want to be a different kind of girl." The princess giggled and turned away from Maria. "I must sound crazy, I really am drunk."

"No, no I get it. I often feel like there isn't a place for me to be... me. But then again, I don't think that is even possible, since everybody is so different. There can't be a perfect place for everybody, so you just-"

"I want to dance with you!"

"What?"

The princess was already pulling Maria up, almost falling over the table.

"I want to dance, please, please, I won't take a no!"

 „Do you ever?" The princess had now pulled her up into a strange, stumbling dance to the faint tune of music.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well I... you know what, it doesn't matter. It isn't your fault."

"Now I feel like it is my fault. What are we even talking about?"

"I don't know. Let's just... let's talk about something different. About something nice."

"I would like that." There was a moment of silence as the song ended in the ballroom. They stood and waited until the next one started. "I think this is the first time I get to really talk to you in private. Isn't that funny?"

"I wouldn't call it funny. It is kind of natural in your situation."

"I know. The others are always fighting for my attention as if it would give them any sort of real power. Even that is just a silly game in the end. By the way, why don't you ever do that?"

"What?" Maria almost fell as the princess led her into a pirouette.

"Fight for my attention."

"Would you like me to?"

"Yes, actually, if it would mean we could do something like that more often."

"What are we doing? I mean, we are dancing, but I don't even know who is leading."

"I thought you were."

"I am most certainly not." Still, the dance continued. This time it was the princess who did the pirouette.

"I guess we are both leading."

"I guess we are."

Loud steps were heard from the hallway. Francescas of key singing mixed with the faint sound of music, until she entered the room.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Oh, no, we were just dancing."

"There are a lot of people to dance with in the ballroom, and all of them are missing their hostess. I had to take over your responsibilities, Gwenewith." Francesca seemed almost pleased with the fact she had something to blame Gwenewith for.

"And I am sure you did a marvelous job. And can I just say you look great in that dress? Like a star. I love you so much."

"You really did get drunk, didn't you? Maybe it is a good thing you weren't down there, you might have made a fool of your self and the whole kingdom."

"Isn't that always what I am doing? Making a fool of my self?" Gwenewith let her self fall on the couch and sighed dramatically. "I want to sleep."

"Do you not want to hear what I have to report about Charlotte?"

"What is with Charlotte? Is she all right?"

"She couldn't be better. I introduced her to a noble man, you know, like she always asked you to do, and they have been dancing all evening. I think you might even have a Lady in Waiting in a few months."

"Oh how marvelous! I am so happy for her, she will be a lovely bride!"

"And she will leave us as old maidens." Francesca had a tired expression.