Chapter 14:Philanthropy

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     Silence.

     It’d been the furthest thing Beomgyu weighed on his journey here. In his head, he outlined a sensational scene with teetering details and fireworks. He had a picture of a grand love declaration which he’d be entirely content with no matter the outcome.

    But, that was it. That was all he thought of. The boy didn’t think of what he would say which would drive to that result. He didn’t consider the apt words to use which would thoroughly describe the adoration which smothered him every day, begging to be said.

     Nothing he could think of would live up to the strength of his emotions. No words would compute the raging thoughts which stood by him daily.

     This wasn’t like the movies he watched months ago to remind him of the feeling. There wasn’t any staircase to the climax, no easy slide down after conquering the big, intimidating force. This was real, raw enough for him to realise nothing was scripted. It was all on him.

     His throat closed up when he met Taehyun’s watchful eyes, welcoming and expecting, yet laced with confusion. It shouldn’t have been this hard, all he had to do was start talking and he wouldn’t stop. There was so much to say yet no means of bringing it forth.

     They stood like that for a few seconds too long, Beomgyu’s heaving breath being the only thing holding them back from standing in complete silence. The tense air pooled in moments later, unspoken words dancing with the wind in rhythmic movements, almost as if teasing Beomgyu, edging him to go on.

     Everything felt out of place, yet he wouldn’t be anywhere but here.

     “Beomgyu?” His voice was softer than usual. Serene. “Do you want to come in?”

     In the musky moonlight, his eyes twinkled with more than empathy. Were they always like that? He couldn’t tell.

     He shook his head, harsher than intended. He couldn’t imagine how he looked to Taehyun; sweat matting his forehead, chest heaving as his eyes must have looked close to manic with the heaps of desperation.

     Already off to a bad start, he couldn’t help but wince when the younger took a step forward, fingers reaching out to touch him. “Hey, it’s okay. Come in and drink some water.”

     Beomgyu wanted to protest— to say no and demand time to speak. He wanted to slap himself for not being able to talk as if he had his thoughts out on a script in front of him. He had so much to say, yet nothing was leaving his mouth.

     He only nodded, his heart rate never ceasing its rapid thrum. He felt lightheaded with the weight following him around, an inevitable feeling of remorse seething through the euphoric feel of adrenaline. He could do nothing but wait as the dread began to overtake.

     “I’ll get you some water,” Taehyun declared, leaving no room for Beomgyu to refuse. He wasn’t going to say anything either way. All this time and not a single word had left his mouth, his conscious was laughing and making fun of the phoney confidence he readily convinced himself that he had.

     Without Taehyun’s presence in the room, time dragged as Beomgyu’s situation really began to settle in. Was he genuinely ready for this? To put his final heart on the line?

     One would have to put a prodigious amount of trust into another for them to love them on their last heart. It was as if they were allowing the latter to wield a hammer, a sole tap enough to shatter their fragile world. They would be giving the last bit of their life into someone else’s hands, the path on where it’d go up to them.

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