Sunflower Reviews

Mila - Happily Ever After is the sweetest con

Reviewer: Mila_333

Review: Happily Ever After is the sweetest con

Client: sarcasticcoffeelover5

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Blurb

The blurb is actually quite good. The first line you wrote to promote the book is actually really good and personally for me it was attractive. You can definitely re-arrange some sentences here and there but it was good overall. It made the story sound interesting and fun which is a positive point made.

Title

I have to admit the title is very eye-catching and makes you interested in the story. The title does correspond to the story and it cannot get any more accurate as 'Happily Ever After' is literally a mantra in all Disney stories and since this is a retelling of The Little Mermaid, it goes perfect with the plot, especially at the point where  Attina realizes how she erred by going to Vanessa. The ending does contradict a tiny little bit but the deep meaning of the title is well circulated and there's no change needed for the title, it's totally good to go.

Cover

I believe the cover is a bit too simple for the book and not so pleasant for the content you have. In my opinion, the cover should be minimalistic but the current one that you have is too simple. I suggest you get in touch with the several cover shops we have on Wattpad and have a new design for the cover. You can also make your own cover and decide what elements you want to have on it. I would have chosen the sea as a background and would have had a cartoonish design of a boat with Felix and Attina together on it. I would basically take out that particular scene from the story to portray it in the cover and it would have been suitable since it would relate to the plot. The idea of having a cartoonish cover is a good one and it definitely suits the story.

Plot and writing style

The plot started off quite well, keeping us entertained via the conversation the characters were having. You did a great job by letting us know who is dating who and who was who. And it's quite commendable that you allowed us to get a glimpse of the characters from such a short but consequent scene. I knew from there on that this short story would be interesting as you were able to convey your ideas and thoughts while not needing much to do that. However, one particular point to note was the proper introduction of the characters. Yes, we were able to know about them but having your audience to know about something and to feel about it are two completely different things. I would have liked the description of this scene to go far beyond the dialogues and some more action like what they are doing, very brief explanation of the moment as well.

Another thing was the names! They are really pretty but they were at the same time so confusing since I noted each one of the characters in the first scene had their names starting with letter A and that's definitely not an issue of course, but since they were all included in the scene at once and everyone was talking one after the other made it really confusing at some point and this was only the first scene. A random reader can definitely quit reading at this point, feeling too confused by the names as they definitely expect that these characters will be present in the story at a later stage and you sure wouldn't want that. So, I suggest you either remove the characters, for example Noelle had no other scenes and hence, for me, he was not necessary to be in the plot. Since this is a short story, you can't get away from the plot and events happening should revolve around the main plot itself, hence, I believe you can definitely remove some of the characters, apart from her two sisters, since the others had no other roles afterwards. You can definitely keep the girl who was frustrated about the particular ex being at the event since she had a purposeful conversation with Attina and this part is definitely needed in the story as it does give a message.