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i. COVER & TITLE
I'm a fan of the colours and fonts of your cover, but I do have a few things to suggest. For one, the cover appears a little blurry even on the small icon my phone shows. And two, because of the blurriness, its a little confusing as to what is actually going on in the cover. I'd recommend working with one of the designers featured on the reading list in my profile to create a snazzy cover.
Your title is decently unique, and I kinda like that it's a little ominous. No problems with the title!
ii. BLURB
I greatly appreciate the shortness of your blurb, but it could do with a little more drama, in my opinion. You could also fix up some grammatical errors. That being said, you give us the important info and you do it in a snappy way. Awesome! However, I am a little confused as to the whole city-people search? That's something you might want to clear up. Here's my recommendation to increase the drama:
People have been vanishing for a decade.
It started on a beach, then went further throughout the city. There was never any trace of the city-people, no matter how far and hard the police searched.
The Umbers have just moved in, unaware of this fact. but what they discover about the disappearances may be far more horrifying.
This blurb isn't all that different, but there are a few things that are a bit clearer here. Again, I'd recommend clearing up the whole 'city-people' concept and perhaps adding in a few extra sentences.
iii. HOOK
Hooks are very important, and they often require rewrite after rewrite to get where you need them to be. But there is a general formula for hooks: something snappy, something quick, something clear and not confusing. And there are also things to avoid: don't use anything cliche right off the bat. Your sentence "it was a day unlike any before it" is fun and interesting, but it's overused. It also tells the readers that something weird is going to happen, and you aren't able to use shock value to your advantage. I'd take that sentence right out of your hook. WIth all that being said, your ending line of your prologue is very good, and immediately sets the stage for a wonderful story.
1 0 / 1 5
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