Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 34

With my back turned to the Gryffindor table and surrounded by all of Hogwarts' magic, I actually finally stuffed my stomach until I was so full that I felt nauseous.

I was just about to walk to the common room with the other girls, when I heard someone yell my name.

I tensed and picked up my pace, but Aleya, Lina and Valerie had heard him too and stopped.
"Freya, Sirius is calling you," Valerie pointed out the obvious.
Thanks. I hadn't noticed.

I realised that I couldn't pretend that I hadn't noticed him any longer, so with a nervous tug in my belly, I turned around, trying to smile at him.
"Hi, Sirius!"

"Hello, my favourite Ravenclaw!" He had reached us by now and didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me.

I could've started crying on the spot in that very minute. I still hugged him back with all my strength. I felt so close but yet so far away from him.

"No offense, though," Sirius pulled away and grinned at my friends, who stood there awkwardly.
They nodded confusedly.

"Can I steal her from you?" Sirius didn't wait for a reply and just laid his arm on my shoulder and turned me around. When he walked in the other direction, he didn't let go of me, which didn't make it easier to reduce my blush.

As soon as we were out of my friends' sight and not surrounded by students, he stopped and let go in order to face me. His eyebrows furrowed.
"Are you okay?"

My hands turned sweaty and my heart skipped a beat, afraid that he had seen through my facade- that would've been too embarrassing and I would've dropped out of Hogwarts immediately to go to Beauxbatons and do my final year there- even though I didn't speak French.

I tried to look confused, but amused. "What do you mean? I'm fine!"

I low key started to panic when Sirius' eyebrows furrowed even more. "Are you sure? You look exhausted, and I'm sure you've lost weight - you're slimmer in the face, too. And you're even paler than usual... You know you can tell me everything, right?"

I blamed his worried face for the fact that tears appeared in my eyes.

When Sirius noticed it, his eyes widened. "Oh shit, Freya, what is it? You don't have to act tough around me, you know?"
He embraced me again, and that was the last straw.
I started crying.

Wow. I hadn't even managed to pull myself together for less than 24 hours.

"I-" My throat was too clogged to get the words out. And what was I supposed to say anyway?
That I'd fallen for him but that he'd broken my heart when he had told me that he'd kissed Marlene? That I felt awful seeing him, but still wanted to see him?

I had considered cutting him off to reduce the pain, but it hadn't taken long for me to realise that this would only make me feel worse. I definitely preferred him as a friend over not being with him at all.
Besides, he would've started asking questions and he could've figured it out. I didn't want to risk it.

"What happened at home, Frey?" Sirius asked quietly, and thanks to that, I knew what I could say.

It was part of my misery, too, after all.

I sniffed. "Francisca moved out... I know it's ridiculous, but I'm really sad about it."

"Oh," Sirius just said and continued to stroke my back. "You'll be fine. You're at Hogwarts right now anyway, and I'm sure she'll stay over the holidays. Don't worry."

I felt too pathetic to go full in depth on the topic, so I just nodded and swallowed, trying to calm down.

I let go and wiped my hands over my cheeks. "Yeah. I know. Sorry for overreacting."

Sirius shook his head and stroked my shoulder soothingly. "Don't be, it's fine. I'm here for you."

My heart fluttered as I looked up at him. A small smile crept onto my face. "Thanks."

"Sure," he smiled back. "Now, have you been avoiding me?" There was a joking glint in his eyes, but I flinched a little at the truth behind his joke. "You didn't look for me on the Platform, you didn't say hello on the train and you didn't talk to me in the Great Hall. Suspicious, isn't it?"

"I didn't want to bother you." I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for the sentence I was about to say. "I wanted you to be able to spend more time with Marlene."

Sirius actually blushed. "Aww, thank you! But there's always time for you, okay? We did stuff before Marls and I got together, and we'll keep doing that."

My vision got blurry, but I quickly blinked and nodded my head vigorously, so that he wouldn't notice. "Yeah." I couldn't restrain myself from asking another question, though. "Where is she, anyway?"

Sirius' grin deepened. "She and the other girls are taking Lily back to their dormitory. They needed all the girls they could get to tame her, because Lily has been screaming at everyone ever since she found out that James is Head Boy."

He chuckled and I smiled, too. I could imagine Lily being dragged by the arms, screaming and kicking like a defiant child. It didn't seem too unlikely.

"So," Sirius started. "Will we keep our saturday-ly meet-ups on the Astronomy tower?"

My heart dropped. I had completely forgotten that I hadn't told him yet.

I bit my lip with a guilty expression, expecting the worst. "I... Kinda..."

I sighed and started again. "I decided that I had too many subjects, because I hadn't dropped any of them after our OWLs. I wanted to keep all of my options open."

Sirius' eyebrows furrowed, indicating that he knew where I was going.
I kept talking anyway.
"I wanted more time for my NEWTs, so I dropped the subjects I knew I wouldn't need. Well, it's got nothing to do with you, but I dropped History and Astronomy..."

Sirius just stared at me without saying anything. Then he blinked and sighed, putting his right hand on his chest. "I expected more from you than dropping the coolest subject ever..." He dropped his hand. "But I get it."

I let out a relieved breath. "I'm sorry, Sirius. But we can still meet on the Astronomy tower? I mean, that's our thing, I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world."

That made Sirius' smile return. "Okay. Maybe I'll forgive you if you stay good enough."

I shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

I looked at my watch, and Sirius followed my eyes. "Do you want me to walk you to the Ravenclaw tower? It's close to curfew, isn't it?"

"It is, but no thanks." I was too scared of answering the riddle in front of Sirius. "We should both get going to our dormitories."

Sirius shrugged. "As you wish. Bye, then. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded. "Yup. Good night, Sirius."

And when we both finally went our seperate ways again, I let out the biggest sigh of my life.
I'd managed to keep a conversation with him going.
Not without bursting into tears, but baby steps were still better than nothing.