Devil Inside

As Normal A Life As Possible.

Elsa stayed in Haven's clinic for two more days, more for her own sanity than any physical reason. Physically she'd never felt or looked better, mentally she was still in pieces. Everything she thought she knew about her past, her present and her future had changed and she didn't have a clue how to start coming to terms with it all. All the stories she'd ever heard about vampires flashed through her mind like some kind of gothic horror movie marathon. Hesper spent hours sitting with her, patiently answering her questions, telling her what to expect from her new life. If life was what it could be called. Hesper was a vampire too but, like Elsa, she had been human once, a very long time ago. She explained that when she was changed, Haven didn't exist. As a new vampire she had no control over her hunger and had killed many people before the human part of her regained enough strength to make her want to stop. There had been no magic serum then to curb her cravings, only her own will power and this was what she still relied on now.

“And you will too,” she said gently, “Eventually. Your body will gradually become immune to the serum, vampirism is a very resilient disease. By then, you will be strong enough to cope on your own.”

Elsa was interested that Hesper referred to vampirism as a disease, as if it was simply an illness like the flu. “Why use the serum at all if I'm just going to become immune to it?” she asked.

“Because new vampires cannot cope without it, there is no way you would be able to stop yourself from killing. You would tear out the throat of the person you loved most in the world in a heartbeat in those first weeks or months, years even for some. We all react differently to the venom.” Hesper sensed Elsa's fear and soothed her with as much warmth as the cool embrace of her arms could give, “You have already proven yourself so strong Elsa,” she said, “I've never known a new vampire keep their teeth to themselves as long as you did.” She smiled, revealing her own perfect white teeth. No fangs though; Elsa had been relieved to find this was another myth, they were retracted and only appeared when a vampire as about to feed from something living.

In many ways, Elsa didn't look physically any different to any other human being. But she saw the differences in herself when she looked in the mirror, so much so that she stopped bothering to look. She didn't need to check her appearance, brush her hair or apply make-up anymore. Her skin was perfect, her hair glossy, her appearance flawless in every way. It was very unsettling, she always been used to feeling a little plain, scruffy at times and her hair had always had a mind of its own. Hesper explained the purpose behind the subtle changes to her appearance and it reminded Elsa of John's strange behaviour on her last day at college before Haven, when he had voiced breathlessly how he wanted her and Sebastian had thought he was rescuing her when, in reality it was John he had saved.

“Vampires are predators Elsa, and we are exceptional ones because we make our prey want to be caught. No matter how frightened they are, or how much they want to live, ultimately they are drawn to us, they want to be near us, to have us take them.” Her expression was almost wistful and Elsa felt she could see the faintest whisper of the killer Hesper had been. Then her tranquil, serene expression returned once more, making Elsa feel instantly at ease. She liked the beautiful, calm vampire whose ability to control her urges and her acceptance of what she was despite what she had done in the past gave Elsa some hope.

There were moments when Elsa felt almost excited at her new abilities, amazed at her own strength and the keenness of her senses. There were times when she definitely did not. Hesper had carefully broken the news to Elsa that despite the fact that they were doing everything they could to stop her needing human blood, she needed blood of some kind to work alongside the serum to curb her cravings.

“Why do I have to have blood at all?” Elsa had questioned, “It's not like I'm going to starve to death.”

“Not to death no,” Hesper conceded, “But you would still starve. Imagine never having the one thing that could keep your body functioning, no amount of serum could fight the craving that would develop but by that point you wouldn't have the strength or ability to hunt or feed. You would become a husk, a dead shell and you would spend the rest of eternity starving for blood and unable to do anything about it.”