Love me, London

thirty-eight

It was supposed to be a great day. The day started off with a perfectly good morning, following a lovely afternoon, but somehow ended with an empty evening. I felt nothing but emptiness the second we got back to the limo. I kicked off my heels and rubbed my sore feet together while resting my head back before it involuntarily bounced up again at the sound of the car door being swung open. It was my parents and my three brothers hopping in.

On the way here, I rode in this limo with Giovanna but on my way back, Mrs. Luciano suggested that I should spend the very last bit of the time I had with my parents since I hardly paid a visit to their place now. Also, apart from making me share the ride with them, she also invited everyone in my family over for some sorts of a celebration dinner she claimed with be the perfect way to end the day. It all sounded fun at first, but as the day went by, I found myself craving some peace and quiet.

It saddened me that we had to leave so soon, but my body just couldn't seem to take anymore physical loads. I was so close to shutting down so many times as I stood out in the field for pictures. It had been a while since the last time I got a chance to be around my school friends— the people whom I actually enjoyed putting in effort to make a conversation with nowadays. So unconsciously, I went all out. I wanted to cherish every single second I still had with them right before they all went off to college.

The sad truth was, most of my friends came from a privileged family. Successful businessman as their father and their mother— well, not any less advantageous. These people valued educations above all else and had a strong drive in keeping their children advanced educationally, as well as affluently. They would do anything to make sure that their kids got accepted to the most prestige colleges in the United States or they were sending them to school aboard.

I used to count myself as lucky, but to compare the ease of not having to deal with the stress that came with the college application process back then to the feeling of being the only one left behind right now. What was it about me and people being removed off of my life? It's like God had new plans for me every day I wake up. I could never get too comfortable with anyone or had any friends. They would end up leaving me at the end.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Mama's voice spoke up, disrupting me out of my overthinking session.

"You could have given her millions and she would still tell you it's nothing." My youngest brother teased and I shot him a sharp glance.

"Can you not?" I snapped, annoyingly.

I didn't mean for it to come out so fast but my lips just moved much faster than my head.

Throwing his hands up in defensive manner, Romeo quickly said, "I am just kidding."

"Well, it's not funny."

He sighed lowly, "Take a chill pill, will you? What's with you and mood swing nowadays? You get mad at us so easily."

"Romeo..." Cairo called from his seat and sat up straight.

"No, seriously. She had been nothing but aggressive toward us lately." Romeo noted.

And honestly, I couldn't say he was wrong. I guessed it was the frustration that had been building up within me. I was angry with my whole family. My parents, for the most part.

Because of them, my life hadn't been going as planned. My biggest goal in life used to be becoming independent on myself. I wanted to make my own money so I could live my life in the way that I wanted without having to feel like I was owned by someone only because I still needed their support financially and for their shelter. If you would have asked me two years ago that living off another wealthy living whom my parents had paired me up with was my dream occupation or not, I bet you I would start laughing in your face and never talked to you ever again. It's just pathetic how I was becoming everything I hated and even worst, in a lot more miserable way. My parents would never truly understand how awful loneliness felt. They always had one another and us. Meanwhile me, I struggled so hard just to find somebody that truly cared for me at all.