Chapter Twenty-Four

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I can't focus on anything anymore. It's eating me up inside. This raw and beautiful desire. Thorn calls it a lie but lies are supposed to be harmful. Whatever is happening inside of me is anything but suffering.

I sit and wait for a while in anticipation of his return but my loins are burning with a strange sensation that is growing hotter and hotter. I stand up and I pace around the camp. This craving has come out of nowhere. It has taken us both by surprise. I know that I am under the effects of a mystical connection but I can't resist it like he can.

It is screaming at me. It is turning me into a raging monster until I complete its request. I am no longer in control of my own thoughts or actions. And for the first time in my life, I like it.

I track him to the lake. It is the one place where we both go when we need time apart to clear our heads or to just be alone. It has become quite the safety net over the last week when Thorn and I have our minor disagreements.

The only downside is that the other always ended up turning up to check in. Though we like our space, we also like to be together. I can't imagine my life without him now and that's both crazy and terrifying.

The wolf situation doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. The old me would have screamed and ran as far as I could. I would never have accepted something so scary and unnatural but this new me is willing to accept anything to avoid going back to my old life.

Sometimes I wonder if it's that. Sometimes I wonder if it's the mating bond. Most times I just look at him and I know that it's neither. There is a person in pain beneath that supernatural armour. There is a man that gave up his old life too. Someone that remains deeply confused about his feelings and his choices.

Being half-wolf is just one part of who he really is. The other parts are slowly breaking through. I am honoured that I am the one that gets to witness them blossom even if the end result will ultimately change everything that we've built together.

He hears me of course, no matter how quiet I try to be. He stays still in the water and slowly circles his arms as I start removing my pants.

"What are you doing?" he says.

"I need to bathe."

I enter the lake carefully in just my shirt. We've never bathed together, we've always taken turns. Mostly because he's always asleep when I first wake up. The water is freezing and my teeth chatter as I merge deeper into the water. I push myself into a swim.

"Stay over there," he says.

I ignore him and swim closer.

"Fuck sake," he mutters, looking for an escape route.

He twists in all directions uncomfortably. He can't choose one before I reach him.

"What are you doing?" I say as I swim around him.

"Trying to get space from you."

"Why?"

I know why. We both know why. He gives me quite a cautious look instead of an answer and I grin back at him. I lean my head back and I dunk my hair underneath the surface.

"Leave then," I say.

I push myself forwards and I meet his eyes as he walks through the water. His hand presses up against the lower part of my spine and he pushes me against his wet body. I cling to his shoulders until I feel brave enough to grab onto his hair. He kisses me this time. The kiss is so powerful that it awakens parts of my body that I never knew were there.

I can only imagine that the bond is making his mind go as haywire as mine. He lifts my legs up so that the bare lower half of my body is straddled tightly around the waist of his underwear. I asked him once why he bizarrely bathes in his underwear and he said it was because he has been forced to spend most of his life naked so he prefers to wear them as much as he can. This is one of those times when I am not grateful.

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