Notice Me

15

"Zane," a voice I couldn't quite place was floating in the air, "Zane?"

I forced my eyes open, trying to fight the grogginess that comes with being still half asleep. I looked around my room, my mind protesting the fact that I wasn't still in my dream. I wasn't ready to leave yet, I wanted to still be at the cliffs. I wanted to still be with Henry.

"Rise and shine sleepy head," the voice said again, reminding me that I wasn't alone in my room.

I turned my head to where the voice was coming from, the sunlight shining through my window distracting me for only a second. Had I slept through the whole night? It felt like I had only been asleep for minutes.

It took me a minute to place Cassidy, she was standing in my doorway, looking at me with a smile on her face but her eyes looked similar to what they looked like last night. She was worried about me, it was clearly written in her demeanour.

"Cass?" I mumbled out, sitting up on the bed. I shook my head a few times, trying to clear the memories of my dream from my mind for the time being. It was easier said than done; Henry's face was still at the forefront of my mind. I couldn't stop picturing the look he was wearing on his face when he said the last thing he said.

Don't let her fall...

"Can I come in?" She tilted her head towards the bed, biting down on her lip in an anxious way.

"Yeah, yeah," I cleared my throat, "of course. Is O here?"

"No," she shook her head, walking further into my room, she sat at the bottom of my bed. The way she was looking at me made me feel uneasy, because I knew that look. It's the same one we all wore when Henry started to act... well, not like Henry anymore.

"Gavin and O are still at my house," she explained, "sleeping, or at least they were when I left. I have a feeling they'll be sleeping off the beer for most of the day."

"So it got pretty wild after I left?" I asked her, almost wishing I had stayed so I could have seen what trouble my friends had gotten into.

"Oh, you know, typical Hawking party," she laughed, "but that's not what I'm here to talk about."

"Okay..." I let out, my curiosity getting the best of me. "What's up Cass?"

She just looked at me for a minute, no words leaving her mouth as her eyes scanned my face. "Are you okay?"

"What? I'm fine," I shrugged, "what do you mean?"

"Zane," she moved her head back and forth as she said my name. "You don't seem fine. There's something going on with you."

"There's nothing going on," I protested, "I don't even know what you're talking about."

"I've known you for four years," she reminded me, rolling her eyes. "Something's going on, and you know, I'm here if you need to talk. If it's something that you don't want to talk with Gavin and O about, or... you know, if you need girl advice. I'm here for you, Zane."

I let out a sigh, dropping my head towards the blanket and running my hands through my dishevelled hair. It's not that I was against talking to Cass, it's more so that I didn't even know how to talk about what I was going through.

"You know Henry's mom called O the other day," Cassidy continued speaking, and another breath escaped through my mouth as she said his name. "They're doing good, they live in Brookville now, it's not that far. They said they haven't seen you since the funeral."

"I haven't been to see them," I told her, even though she clearly already knew.

"Have you been to see him?" Cassidy asked me, but I was pretty sure she knew the answer to that too.

"Have you?" I avoided her question.

"Yeah," she answered anyway, "we go sometimes, Gavin, O and I. Sometimes they go just the two of them, sometimes it's just O who goes."

"Does it hurt?" I raised my eyes back up to meet hers again, she pouted her lips at my words as if they caused her pain.

"Sometimes," she nodded, "but most of the time it doesn't hurt. It feels like we're close to him again, like he's with us. I don't know if that's just an illusion from being at his grave, but... it feels nice to imagine he can hear us talking to him."

"Does, uh... does O ever have dreams about him?" I asked her, avoiding her eyes.

"About Henry?" Cass replied, her voice was soft, but surprised. "Yeah, he does. Not very often... why?"

"I dreamt about him last night," I told her.

"Oh. Was it the first one?" She asked me, "the first dream you've had about Henry since he died, I mean."

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"After O's first dream... he was kind of a mess. He woke me up and told me that Henry had visited him in his dream. He spent hours going over everything he said. He felt like like Henry was talking to him from the spiritual world... or heaven, whatever you want to believe."

"Maybe he was," I let out, taking a breath. That's what it felt like, wasn't it? Like Henry had come back, just for a few minutes, just to tell me this message.

"Maybe," she nodded, "maybe it was really Henry. They say that happens, don't they? They say your loved ones can reach you in your dreams."

"You don't think so?" I could tell she had a differing opinion based on the tone she was using.

"I don't know, Zane, but I'll tell you the same thing I told O. Maybe, whatever Henry was saying to you is what, deep down, you know you need to hear. Maybe your brain knows that if it came from Henry, you'd be more likely to pay attention," Cass smiled at me, a sad smile.

I ran her words through my mind, and even though I didn't want to believe them, it made sense. Though, a part of me only wanted to believe that it really was Henry, because it was proof that wherever he was, he was still him. Wherever he went, he's not gone forever.

"What did he say?" She asked me, and I debated on telling her or not.

"He said I needed to forgive myself," I said after a moment. I remembered the look on his face when he had said the words, the truth that was beaming from his eyes.

"You do," she said quickly. "You do need to forgive yourself. You couldn't have changed it, Zane. I tell O the same thing when he gets down about it. You've couldn't have changed what was going to happen. I truly believe there's two absolute fates in live- birth and death. It's planned, somewhere by someone, down to the minute, and I don't think there's anything we could do to change that."

I took a breath, listening to her reasonings. I could see where she was coming from. It made sense. I wanted to believe it, but was handing the blame over to fate just an excuse?

"Is there anything else he said?" Cass asked in a way that made me think she already knew the answer.

Don't let her fall, it rushed through my head again. It was like a riddle, one I knew there was an answer for, but I couldn't yet see. He meant something, I knew he did. It was important, too, but I couldn't make sense of it just yet.

"No," I lied to her, "he didn't say anything else."

I wanted to keep it to myself, because I had a feeling that it was meant for only me to hear. It was something that maybe only I could do. Something only I could see. Maybe, it was someone only I could see.