White Lies || Scaramouche X Reader

Chapter 30 - About Quitting

"I think.. I might leave the Fatui."

You could feel a burning feeling in your chest as you sat up in shock. Leave the Fatui..? Was it your fault that he made this decision?

"W-Wait, no, you can't do that-"

Scaramouche stopped you, "Says who?" He sat up as well, looking you dead in the eyes. He was serious.

You gulped, trying to gather your thoughts to find the right words to say, "You just can't! This is your job, you- you like it don't you? Plus, the Tsaritsa-"

He quickly placed his hand onto yours, "Then I won't quit. We'll just run. We'll go far away where she won't find us. We'll run away, we can take Tobi with us too."

You didn't know what to say. His tone was almost as if he was panicking. He was serious about this.. so much so that he wasn't acting like himself at all.

Taking that into consideration, you calmed down, hoping he would too and eventually return to his senses. You gently pulled him into a hug, "I know facing her is scary, but you can't leave. You're a harbinger, there's bound to be consequences for quitting.."

Scaramouche made the hug tighter. It still seemed to you like he was panicking, "Y/N, you don't understand. I'm happier now than I ever was before. Now that I have you, there's no need for such temporary happiness."

He was pouring his heart out to you and you weren't sure how to respond.

"The Fatui was an escape, a way to keep myself sane by bossing people around. It was fun for a while until they weren't amusing anymore.." he let go from your embrace, "I wasn't really happy. I was missing something in my life. I was missing the feeling of waking up everyday and not knowing what was in store. Y/N, I was missing you."

Scaramouche gazed into your eyes as he said that last sentence, and quite honestly, you were speechless.

He really wanted to leave this bad? How come you were only hearing about this now? After all this trouble, all this planning to fool the Tsaritsa, and now he does this? Right when you're about to set off for Snezhnaya?

You sighed, "Even so, I've heard how dangerous the cryo archon can be. A Fatui harbinger going off the radar just so fool around with some random adventurer.. I'm sure she won't think highly of that." You tried to bring him back to his senses.

If you were being completely honest, you did want him to quit. It would make your relationship easier. But at the same time, that's his whole life. The Fatui were all he knew. Without it, you feared he'd be lost. Despite him saying otherwise, you were scared for him.

"I know. And it won't be easy, but if we can get far enough away-"

"Scaramouche."

You caught his attention, he stopped speaking, so you continued, "Are you listening to yourself? You want to quit the only thing you've ever known just for me? That's insane."

Scaramouche shook his head angrily, "Y/N, you're missing the point. It's not just for you. I'm not happy in the Fatui. I never was truly happy until you showed up. You made me realize that there's other things to life than.. following an archon who isn't even my own. I want to explore the world, do things I was never allowed to do, and I want to do it all with you."

Did Scaramouche get ahold of alcohol somehow?? There's no way anyone sober enough would say such cheesy things. Then again, he wasn't seeming like himself, so it was entirely possible he was drunk.

"Scaramouche, have you had any alcohol tonight?" You asked, hoping he'd drunkenly answer.

He sighed, "I just poured my heart out to you and that's your reaction?" Scaramouche pouted, he kind of looked like a small puppy, it was cute, "No, I'm not drunk. I'm dead serious."

Well then, now you were back to being confused.

After thinking about it some more, you finally were able to give him a response.

"Is this what you really want? Do you want to be on the run for potentially the whole rest of your life? You'll never get to settle down somewhere, you will always have to be on the move. You'll have to live the rest of your life in fear that the Tsaritsa will find you and kill you." You said it how it was. It was upsetting, but it was the harsh truth. You just needed to remind him of that.

Scaramouche nodded, "I'm fully aware of the consequences. Even so, I still don't care, as long as I'm with you."

While that was touching and all, he was still forgetting one very important detail.

He wasn't asking you what you wanted.

You were sure it was just because he needed to get all of that off his chest quickly, he didn't have time to ask you how you felt about the whole ordeal. Though, you couldn't blame him. If you didn't know any better, it seemed to you like he was having an anxiety attack. Surely he would ask you about it sooner or later.

Not being able to wait, you decided to confront him, "Shouldn't you be asking me what I want?" You scowled, "Sure you might want to be on the run forever, but did it ever occur to you that I might not want that?"

Scaramouche averted his eyes, "Sorry, I.. didn't think to ask. I'm just used to things being one-sided.." he sat up straight, looking you in the eyes, "Well Y/N? Would you run away with me? I obviously can't make you.. so it's your choice."

As you looked into his glossy blue eyes for a few moments, you sighed, cracking a smile.

As much as you were trying to talk him out of it, a part of you really did want to run away with him. The thought of being able to travel all over Teyvat with him without a care in the world, it excited you.

Honestly, you would drop everything to go on adventures with him. Even if it meant leaving the Adventurer's Guild and everyone there behind.

"I.. don't know." You answered truthfully, "I do want to run away with you. But what about Tobi? Or Lu Wen? Or our jobs? Adventuring isn't something a young boy like Tobi should do.. I couldn't bring myself to take him with us, it's way too dangerous."

You continued, starting to get emotional, "Plus, there's so many people here I'd miss. Lu Wen.. she's been with me since we were just kids. And Aether. Though our opinions differ, he's still one of my most trusted friends. I wouldn't know what to do if I left them all behind.."

Scaramouche noticed your uneasiness as he placed his hand gently on your shoulder, "You don't have to answer right now. We'll still take the voyage to Snezhnaya. By then I hope you'll have made up your mind."

"So will you confront her..?"

He nodded, "I've decided to tell her that I'm leaving the Fatui."

You started to become worried, "That's suicide.."

Scaramouche shrugged his shoulders, "It might be. But I made a plan C, just in case I decided to leave."

You were surprised. He knew all along?

"Scaramouche.. you knew you were going to quit since we were back at Mondstadt..?" You asked.

He looked away, avoiding your eyes. Maybe he was ashamed or embarrassed, "I should've told you sooner. I've been thinking about it for a while actually. Ever since we first parted ways all those weeks ago."

Wow. This was news to you. You guessed this was good enough proof that he really loved you. This man was willing to drop his whole career, his whole life, just to be with you.

You laughed, laying back down. You gently smiled as your head hit the pillow, "For a harbinger, you're more reckless than one would expect."

He smiled back at you, "Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know yet," You turned onto your side, leaving him to stare at the back of your head, "Goodnight, Scaramouche."

Scaramouche laid down as well, "Night, Y/N."

A/N

Sorry for the cheesy chapter

I wrote this over the course of like 3 weeks so I'm sure it doesn't really make sense and the writing might be off

Anyways I'm really tired and struggling to keep my eyes open rn lmao