Mission Wall-E || Jakehoon

Nine: Breathe

Breathing. One of the only things that comes free to you unless you have a pair of lungs that require you to pay for them to work properly. Breathing. An art form if you think about, breathing requires effort and it makes something beautiful. Life.

Sunghoon wonders what that last breath was like for him. Did he enjoy it? Was he scared? Or was he calm knowing that everything was about to be over and he wouldn't have to deal with the beauty of life anymore. The horrid yet exciting beauty that came with every heartbeat.

He hates that he couldn't have been there when it happened. He hates that he was alone with no one to comfort him. No one to hold him.

What the worst thing is, is that he never got to tell him how he was the only person that ever made him feel. Feel like he was on top of the clouds and painted in rainbows, even if it hadn't been the exact feeling the other wanted. The other wanted for Sunghoon to love the kisses he gave to him in the short two weeks of them sharing such things. He wanted him to like him back. But instead, he felt like they were brothers.

The last thing Jungwon thought of before he died was how beautiful Sunghoon looked in his red and black figure skating costume the day he sprained his ankle as he sat behind the counter at his work.

He hadn't realized how much he was infatuated with him until his brain glazed over and he could no longer process what life was anymore. He was gentle. He was smart. He was sensitive. And he never got to get him to fully open up to him. He was so close too.

And that was Sunghoon's fault. It was his own stupid brain's fault for not letting himself get close. Yes, they were close. He had never felt so close to someone before as he did with Jungwon, even if they had only been friends for a short while. But not fully close. He could never do that. He knew that now.

Jungwon made him feel colorful. His words of reassurance when he explained how he felt trapped by his life were pink and red. And his palm touching his by the stream in his back yard was orange. Yellow was how he sat on his kitchen floor at two in the morning eating gummy bears discussing whether or not love was just a chemical your brain produced to trick you into continuing the human population. Green was buying him his favorite coffee after he hurt his ankle because he could tell he was stressed. And he felt blue all over when he told him he shouldn't be so scared to touch because touch was healing. And he was purple when he kissed the side of his neck the day before he left.

Purple was Sunghoon's favorite color. He didn't like Jungwon like that, he was even more sure than he was before. But when he had missed two days of sleeping wondering whether or not he should go to Shanghai with the three boys he barely knew he couldn't think about that.

He couldn't think about how Jungwon was just a friend and nothing more. He could only think about how tired he felt and how he wished he could just forget everything.

"Won I don't like you like that." He said, heartbeat thudding against his throat.

Jungwon hadn't even looked surprised. He looked calm instead. His eyes were gentle and he took Sunghoon's hand, making the familiar feeling of warmth spread to him. He hated to admit it, but Jungwon made him feel more open to touch, he was even starting to enjoy it... if it came from him at least.

"I know you don't." He said, lips molding soft words.

"Then why..."

"Cause you need someone to love you. And if I'm not the one to do it then I can at least warm you up so you won't be as scared."

Sunghoon had never felt so much before. He'd never heard something so special before. And it was directed at him. He felt needed. He felt important. He felt safe.