Girl on Track

35| Free-falling

The lead up to our next training session is nerve wracking to say the least. It's hard to predict what Tyler's mood will be like at the best of times, but throw in last night's family drama and our subsequent kiss...anything could happen.

Between worrying about that and my nightmares of Dad, I don't get much sleep. My alarm goes off at five, so I hurry to get ready before meeting Tyler over at the track. I find him waiting on the sidelines with his helmet in his hands, watching the sunrise. My heart pounds once, then again for good measure, as if I didn't feel nervous enough.

The sound of my footsteps distracts him. He's still for a moment, his eyes dark and unreadable, but then slowly his lips curl upward.

"Hey," I say. "How did things go with your dad?"

He shrugs and walks toward me. "Gave me the same old speech about applying myself. I didn't expect any different."

"I'm sorry, Tyler."

"Don't be." He takes my hand and pulls me closer until I'm right against his chest. Gently, his mouth brushes mine – not exactly a kiss, but a taste of what's to come. "You in the mood for conquering your fears today?" His voice is heavy, warm against my lips, and just like that, the nerves I'd felt are conquered by excitement – not just for racing, but for him.

"Yes," I say. "Definitely."

We start off with a lap around the circuit, but this time it feels different. There's an understanding between us that wasn't there before, an ability to read each other without saying a word. I understand him better when he starts to get bossy, so I'm able to bring him back. When I start to get scared, he's right there next to me, able to talk me through it. For the first time in a long time, we feel like a team.

He gives me a few pointers, then has us drop our bikes at the start before we walk the whole track on foot. It seems a little strange to be walking when we should be riding, but it's nice to see the place from this angle. You miss so much when you're riding a bike that I'm noticing curves and parts of the track I've never noticed before.

He gently grabs my hand as we walk, holding it in his. My first reaction is to tense –it's been a while since anyone has tried to hold my hand–but it only lasts a second. My fingers thread his, and I focus on the warmth of his large, solid palm as we stop at the foot of the hill.

"This is the hill you decelerate on the most," he says. It's the highest hill on the track, the one I'd felt myself release on the last time. If I can conquer this hill, I'll be one step closer to winning.

My stomach knots as I take in the peak. It's easy to forget about the fear when I'm up there, but if it's making me decelerate, the fear must still be there, lurking beneath the surface; I need to find a way to get rid of it.

Tyler turns to face me, hand still in mine, and gives me an encouraging look. "I want you to lap the track once. I'm going to time you as you jump the hill, find out exactly how much you're slowing down by and at what point."

Even though I'm terrified, I nod. "Okay, I'm ready. I think."

"Hey." He takes a step closer and pulls me into a hug. "I'm right here. You've got this."

"Thank you." I pull back a little, noting the lopsided grin on his face and, unable to help it, give him the tiniest peck before hopping back onto my bike.

My first few tries, I decelerate mid-climb, but I can't seem to stop. My body seizes up, and watching the peak of the hill get closer brings back memories I've tried to suppress.

On what feels like my hundredth run, I slam down my bike and throw off my helmet in frustration. My legs feel weak, but despite the physical toll on my body, I'm not making any headway. "Shit."