𝙆𝙄𝙎𝙎 𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙁𝙊𝙊𝙇ʳᵃⁿᵇᵒᵒ

*•.¸♡𝘽𝙪𝙗𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙢♡¸.•*

Tubbo POV:

I'm only 17 years old, out of how many years I will never know. But what I do know is that 17 years is young. 17 is an age of regret, naive choices, fucking around with friends and having fun. Enjoying what little time you have left of your teen years before getting lugged with the never ending repsonsibilities and pressure of adulthood. 17 is, in short, a time for regrets.

Or for some, falling in love.

Now, I sure as hell don't know what the fuck love is, But what I do know is that love is trivial. It's not something bound by definition, not something that can be defined by someone else's opinion, or a Buzzfeed quiz made by some random 11 year old. It's confusing and frustrating and distressing and suffocating, but beautiful at the same time.

Most of the time.

There's no point sugarcoating the point any further.

I'm in love with Isla Harlow.

And she is in love with someone else.

It was easy to identify in the beggining. The weakness in my knees, the butterflies in the pit of my stomach, the sweaty palms, the countless nights of staring at old photos and wishing for more. It was blatantly obvious to anyone that had an iota of care. Which made it all the more frustrating.

Because she never fucking noticed.

For five whole years.

From the first day I met her, I knew. It wasn't that I knew she was the one for me, or that I knew she was my soulmate, or some other sappy Wattpad bullshit. But rather, 12 year old me knew that she was something special, to not only me, but everyone else.

From the moment she tripped with me on valentines day, I knew.

And from the moment she smiled at those stupid notifications, I knew.

I knew it was over.

These past 2 months haven't exactly been the greatest for me. They've been fucking amazing for Isla. And in all honesty watching her so happy and excited in turn made me feel kind of great, most of the time anyway. For there was always that dread. The dread of knowing I lost her. I lost her before I could even muster up the courage to try.

There have been multiple times where I wanted to. Where I could if I really really tried. The move was always there for me to make, but I stayed silent, and what a stupid choice that was.

In 7th grade on Valentines Day when I gave her flowers.

In 8th grade on Valentines Day when I gave her my flowers again.

The day after that when I held her in my arms as she cried about her father.

In 9th grade when we sunck out to watch the stars together.

The day after when she got grounded for sneaking out. So I snuck in through her window to see her.

A week later when we snuck out once again and danced together under the moonlight.

Her 14th birthday when we went to see Wallows in concert and I held her on my shoulders, because she was too short to see.

When she fell asleep in History class every lesson and I gave her my jacket so she could sleep (writing her notes in the process so she didn't fall behind).

10th grade when she fell hard for NitNat and I hugged her for hours on end while she cried (all while wishing it were me she was crying about instead).

The day she met my parents for the first time and they immediately asked her if she was my girlfriend (she said no straight away. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset about it).