More than just friends? (Natasha Romanoff x female reader/ friends to lovers)

5. Diary

Natasha and I were both standing there, in the ring, both with red faces and out of breath.
All of the others were looking at us. They were all smirking, even though they looked a little confused, like if they had missed something.

I cleared my throat. „Uhm... Na- Natasha won."
„Yes, we saw that." Tony said, trying to stop smiling.

There was an awkward silence.
After some time, Wanda said: „The group training is over. You can do whatever you want now."

I quickly went upstairs in my room and took a shower.
Do I really like her just in a friend-way? I don't know.

I was so confused, I just needed to write my thoughts down. After I finished showering, I sat on my bed and pulled my diary from under my mattress. I grabbed a pen and started writing.

Dear diary,

I think I like someone. I think I like Nat. I think I like like her.
But I'm not sure. I could just think that I like her, right? I just don't know. Everything is just so confusing and I can't help it.
Natasha is beautiful. Her hair, her eyes, her whole fucking face. And of course her body. Always when I look at her, I want to be closer to her. I want to touch her. I want to kiss her. I want her to like me. I want her to like me in more than just a friend way.
When she laughs, my whole world lights up and I'm happier in seconds. She can make me laugh easily and I feel safe around her. I feel like I can trust her and I feel like I can tell her anything. I think she understands me and I understand her.
But I'm still not sure if I really like her.
I don't want to like her, because she doesn't like me back.
Fuck. Why is this happening? Why is this happening to me?
I don't want this. I don't want to destroy our friendship.
We're just friends. She doesn't like me in that way.
And I don't like her... Well, I hope at least.

Writing this down didn't help my confusion at all, but anyway
good night,
-Y/n

I closed my diary and put it back under my mattress.
This didn't help.
I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. A second later, I heard someone coming in my room.
„Who is there?" I asked.
„Me." I heard Wanda saying.

I sat up. „What's up?"
„I can hear your fucking mind through the walls."

I let myself fall back on my bed with a sigh.
„Y/n, you know you can talk to me, right?
I didn't reply.

„You don't have to figure this out on your own... And I think you're confusing yourself."
She might be right.

„I know I am." Wanda smirked.

„Stop it. Seriously. It's creepy."

„Don't change the subject, Y/n, I know you. Tell me, what's going on."
„I hate you Wands... Okay... First of all: I'm a lesbian."

„Thanks for telling me, but I already thought you are." She hugged me tight. „Now, tell me about Nat."
„I don't know. I think I like her, but I'm not sure. In the same time, I don't want to like her, because I'm just a friend to her. I also don't want to destroy our friendship. But I'm pretty sure, I don't like her. Yeah, I don't like her. She's just a friend."

Suddendly there was another knocking on the door. Peter stuck his head in my room. „Y/n, do you want to talk?"
„Yeah, sure. Come in."
Wanda looked at me surprised.
„Don't worry. He knows."

„Sooo, what's going on?" Peter asked.
„Y/n is trying to figure out if she has a crush on Nat or not. I think she's just denying it, because she's scared."
I'm not scared. Or am I?

„The point is... I don't know." I said. „You know what? Just read my fucking diary. Maybe you can understand what I wrote there, because I can't"

I handed Peter and Wanda my diary. After they had read it, they looked at each other and started giggling.

„Guys? What's going on? Shut up!"
After Peter and Wanda had calmed down, Peter started talking: „I think you're in love with her. I think you're just scared to admit your feelings, because you're scared that you are going to get hurt."
Wanda agreed: „I think so too, Y/n. Don't lie to yourself."

I sighed.They're right. I fell for Nat.

Wanda squealed.
„I read her mind and it said that she fell for Nat." She explained to Peter.

Wanda and Peter gave me both a hug. „You're so cute, Y/n."
I grumbled.

„Dinner is ready, Ms Brown, Ms Maximoff and Peter." J.A.R.V.I.S called.

We went downstairs and Wanda and Peter somehow managed to push me on the chair next to Natasha.
„Fuck you." I said under my breath.
„What?!" Natasha asked.
„Oh, uhm.... Wasn't meant for you."

„Are you warm or something?"
„No? Why do you mean?" I asked confused.
„Because your face is so red." Nat said smirking.

I tried to cool my cheeks down by holding a glass of water at my face.

Natasha choked on the water she was drinking. She started coughing and laughing at the same time.
„Are you okay?" I asked, trying to keep myself from laughing.
„No." Nat brought out between hiccup-cough-laughs.

This was simply too much for me. I started laughing like crazy and wasn't able to breath properly.
Nat started to slam her fists on the table, which made me laugh even more.

We were laughing like this - I was gasping for air as if I were drowning and Nat was hitting the poor table every few seconds- for about ten minutes. Always when Natasha and I looked at each other, we started to laugh even more.

„CAN WE PLEASE STOP?!" I cried, because my belly hurt so much.
„YES, PLEEEAAASEEE." Nat cried back, holding her belly with her hands.

When we had finally calmed down, we both had tears in our eyes.
„You good?" Nat asked, laying her hand on my thigh.

Natasha's hand on my thigh made my breathing just as irregular as it was a minute ago. With the difference that I wasn't laughing anymore. She started stroking my thigh with her thumb.

And I tried my best not to get turned on.

Breath, Y/n. Breath.

„Yeah, I'm good." I answered her question, avoiding to look in her eyes.

The other had already started eating, because Nat and I were laughing for so long. Peter, who was sitting on my other side, gave me a thumbs up and Wanda wasn't able to hide her smirk. She had probably just read my mind.