Blue

Brooding

She had royally fucked up, and loose lips sink ships. And sink that ship did. She was so aggravated with herself and had been brooding since the ball. She had received an earful from Mykel after the ball, emphasizing their discussion during the ball.

When she witnessed him dancing with other females she wanted to rip him away from them but she couldn't display that possessive nature on which that wasn't yet hers.

She wanted to hate how well she fit into Atlas' arms but she couldn't. She wanted to hate how easy it was to be with him, but she couldn't. Now she was back to living her lie.

It was already two days into their trek south. It shouldn't take more than three weeks to travel to the border. Meaning in two weeks time she would be home except it wasn't home anymore. Not really.

She felt more at home pretending to be a man than with those that shared her blood. She mulled over the potential conversations she would have if she saw her mother.

None of them ended good.

She hoped with all of her might that no one would recognize her when they arrived. It was a continuous anxiety within her that she would be found out before she could explain herself.

The horse she was given was still wary around her and was still, at times, unwilling to do as she asked. She wished she could fly, their trip wouldn't take as long and it would be so freeing. But she wasn't gifted with the ability to shift. That was reserved for full blown dragons and she was only half.

She felt worse about her situation while listening to the men discuss their transformation once they stopped for the night. She knew their vision would be better in dragon form and that idea alone squashed her wanting to bathe in the moonlight she would have to wait another night to do so.

They spent from dawn until dusk riding along the main road that led south. She already knew they'd pass places they had passed coming to the city. But the scenery was different now, less green in sight and more brown and gray. Even the water that ran alongside the road lacked its blue color.

Colder days were coming. They had all packed one pair of warmer clothes for their journey back because of this. She'd bought herself some thick leather trousers and a warm tunic, one that she had to guess for size because she couldn't try it on before buying it.

When they stopped for the night she was in charge of the fire and horses as everyone else took flight.

Her gaze lingered on Atlas as he transformed. It was interesting to her, how long the transformation took, several minutes for sure. She watched with morbid fascination as limbs stretched and twisted and changed colors. Scales sprouted from skin and wings burst forth from shoulders. It seemed painful for sure and she was partially glad she never had to endure that. Her whole body ached thinking about it...or maybe it was residual pain from Atlas, as she was feeling more and more of his presence in her lately.

It was getting harder to block or ignore all of his thoughts and something in her being stirred whenever she got within arms length of him.

She was very careful about taking the herbs now and had brought enough for several months. She shouldn't need it all, they should be back long before she runs out but she couldn't be too careful.

She watched everyone as they took flight. It had to be farther away from camp so as not to put the fire out with the gust from their wings.

They horses neighed anxiously at this commotion. Except Ronan. She liked that horse. Her horse, Iris, did not like her very much, but she didn't seem to like anything except food. 

She stayed awake well into the night, even after the men had returned from their flight. She was silent, not wanting to interact with anyone. She hoped they couldn't tell she was faking being asleep. Their conversation was limited once they returned and soon enough she was left being the only one awake.

Try as she might, the stars, who had become her companion for the night, could not lull her to sleep as she counted them and then traced their shapes.