you raise me up || harry potter

chapter 63

»»————-　song:　————-««

we won't make the same mistakes again

★ before their eyes ★

❝  i learned that you could choose why you hurt
or you can let the world hurt you while you do nothing

the moment of that decision will change everything

i realized my heart was a stranger to me
when someone ripped it open
and showed me parts that I've never seen.❞

♢ ♢ ♢

There was a familiar rap on the door, two slow, deliberate knocks. 

"Come in," Snape said, folding the letter he had been reading and placing it into a drawer out of sight. It was from Dumbledore, notifying staff that Lupin would be leaving.

"Hello, Severus," Lupin said cheerfully. His hair was as mussed as always, and the bags under his eyes were much more pronounced than usual, but his smile was ever the same. It was only seven in the morning. Snape wasn't sure where the man got his energy from.

"You're leaving," Snape said. It wasn't a question. 

"Ah, yes, unfortunately," Lupin said, plunking himself down heavily into a chair. "Well, like I said. No use tempting the jinx."

"I suppose," Snape said. "Well, good riddance."

"Thank you," Lupin said magnanimously. "I'll be out of your hair soon enough. But it's been a pleasure being your personal peeve." He ignored the scowl Snape gave him, and instead leaned back, closing his eyes. 

"You know, sometimes, I catch myself being angry," he admitted. "Angry at the Board of Governors, angry at the Wizarding World... But I also have to remember that the people who are angry at me... are parents of children whom I put in great danger because of my own carelessness. Sometimes, I wonder to myself. Would the world be better off without people like me?"

Snape, who had leaned down to pick up a paper that had fallen on the floor, briefly winced. "You're a person," he said, straightening up. "Not a rabid dog to be euthanised."

Lupin opened his eyes in surprise. He looked at Snape for a moment, then smiled sadly. "Sometimes I wonder what's the difference."

Snape couldn't say anything to that, because he knew there was no convincing a person who was determined to despise every part of himself, who could lay out every reason why he does not deserve to be alive. 

"But anyway," Lupin said, "That's that. No damage done, no thanks to me. I'm just glad this is how things turned out... relatively. Everyone is safe."

His face turned deathly serious in the next moment. "Safe," he murmured. "I can't stop thinking about what you told me about Harry. He's not safe in that house. Can't you do something about it, Severus?" Lupin's tone turned to pleading.

"Do what, Lupin?" Snape demanded wearily. "Do you know how many times I've talked to Albus about this? And do you know how many times he's dismissed me?"

"Why would he do that?" Lupin asked.

"For the greater good," Snape spat. "Because he's protected by the blood wards. Surely you know about the blood wards?"

"Of course I know, but he's being harmed by his own flesh and blood!" Lupin exclaimed.

"Do you think I don't know that?" Snape all but shouted, standing up. "Do you think I haven't tried to get that through Albus' head? He doesn't care, Lupin!"