A Leap of Faith (Part 1)

Chapter 98 - Finding Kara

It has now been a few hours since Alura stormed up to her room, telling Lena that she isn't her mom, and ripping off her necklace. Truthfully Lena was, and still is, very hurt by Alura's words, even though she realises that her daughter only said them because she is angry, and had to direct that anger at someone, and Lena happened to be the only person Alura could direct that anger at. But even with Lena's knowledge of this, it doesn't make the hurt any better. Alura's words honestly struck a nerve with the CEO, as one of Lena's own fears is that she isn't Alura's real mother. Lena is not related to Alura, she isn't married to Kara, and therefore isn't Alura's step mother, so legally Alura isn't hers. The only actual reason that Alura is staying with her, is because Alex and Eliza have allowed it, knowing it would be what Kara wants. So, Lena knows that she really doesn't have any control over what happens to her and Alura, because if she does a bad job of being the young girl's mother, then Eliza and Alex might take Alura away from her, and rightfully so, in Lena's opinion. So, through everything that is happening with Kara, Lena is also living in fear of losing her own daughter, due to her not being a good enough mother. That is why Lena has been trying so hard to be the mother that Alura needs, and trying to give the five-year-old all the love and affection in the world, while also hiding her own emotions. Lena is just terrified that even though she is doing her best, it isn't good enough. Alura deserves the best after all, and in Lena's mind she doesn't even know what the best mother is, because she has no frame of reference. Lena had her real mom for a few years growing up, but she honestly can't remember her, so she can't use her as an example. Then after that, Lena had Lillian, the horribly abusive mother who clearly doesn't care about her at all, or cares about her in only a certain manipulative way. So ultimately, Lena has no real great mother to look up to, and use as an example, so she is just trying her best, and she is terrified it isn't good enough.

Over the last few hours, since Alura stormed off to her room, Lena has just been silently crying on the couch, crying over Alura's words, and over Kara being gone for maybe forever. Lena's heart hurts so much, she just wants it to all stop. Lena thinks that she has been through enough heartache in her life, and she doesn't deserve anymore, but it keeps on happening to her. Over the last few hours, Lena did consider calling someone, like Sam, or maybe Alex, to come and help her. But Lena decided against that, because she didn't want anyone to think she can't handle things, and handle being Alura's mom. Lena knows that if she ever loses Alura, that will be it for her, she will be broken beyond repair.

Lena takes a deep breath, wiping the tears away from her face, and then stands up from the couch she has been crying on for the last few hours. Lena then makes her way upstairs, heading for Alura's room.

"Alura?" Lena says, knocking on her daughter's door, before then opening it and walking inside.

As soon as Lena enters the room, she sees that Alura is asleep, clearly having cried herself to sleep after having yelled at Lena. A part of Lena thinks of just leaving Alura, but the other part of her doesn't want to allow the animosity between the two of them to continue and fester. So, Lena decides to sit next to Alura, and wake her up.

"Alura..." Lena says, softly, placing a hand on Alura's side, and gently rocking her.

Alura mumbles something.

"Alura, darling. Can you please wake up?" Lena says, her voice on the verge of tears again. Lena wants to continue to try and be brave for Alura, but she can't help it right now. Alura's words directed at her have just poked several holes in her emotional dam.

Alura mumbles something again, and then begins to move, as she wakes up.

"Momma..." Alura says, rubbing her eyes and looking at Lena.

Lena grows a small smile on her face, relieved that Alura is at least calling her momma, and not Lena, like she feared she may, after what Alura said to her earlier.