It Wasn't Supposed To Happen

18

What was he doing...?!! She didn't want to be with him right now, didn't she make it obvious enough...!
Apparently not...

She tried to free her arm again with a little force only for him to now grab both of her arms. Being this close to him was escalating her irritation with him. Thakuma had got to her, the words had awakened a new fear in her heart. Earlier she knew she had been wrong and her pati babu had taken some unjust steps to bring her back, he had hurt her but she had made peace with the fact that both the parties were wrong to some extent and in the end it all had been for her good. But she was scared now...for her future. What if he finds himself stuck in another situation where he had to give her up ? He sure had been working hard on a path that might lead to it.

Would he...? Could he...?

She wanted to ask him but didn't know the right words to probe him with. And what if his answer was not to her liking. His whole reaction to sharing a room had been an indication, if not a confirmation, that he was not entirely comfortable with her...not to every extent. He had not answered her when she had asked if he was comfortable with sharing a room with her. Was it maybe because he knew his answer would hurt her ?

That one unanswered question had now made a permanent room in her angery little head. Who knows how many answers had he ignored or had hidden away from her, and himself, just so it didn't make Bondita uncomfortable.

But was it not so close to lying ?

Bondita had noticed the slight and gradual change of Aniruddh's body language around her over the years. He was not as frank with hugging her or holding her like before, times when a sudden incident of sheer excitement or that of a pain made her jump into his ever welcoming arms. It was not like the contact was totally lost but yes, she could not remember when he last held her close to him, his heart.

He did not open his arms to her more often.

All was noticed by Bondita but today she was pondering over it.

And he had told her nothing had changed between them, nothing would change between them. So unaware of the fact that it had taken nothing but a spill from an inkpot for her pati babu to realise that the change was invitable.

She knew  he had been lying to her, to save her from all the pain.
She knew why was she angry. It was all because her pati babu didn't even know what she was thinking, that how she had been controlling her emotions over the years, how she had stopped herself from asking him questions because it would hurt him. Wasn't he supposed to be her rakshak... wasn't he her shikshak ? Then why wasn't he protecting her from all the emotional damage and questions ?!!

" Because you tried to hide them so well" her inner voice trying to surface was ignored. She would not listen to anyone today.

And having an aray of unsorted thoughts had her confused. She was angry at her pati babu but was even more angry at her Thakuma.

Wasn't she supposed to love her, pamper her while she was on a short visit to her own home. She was her own family, flesh and blood. She knew whatever the conditions of the marriage were, the couple was happy in their own little world. But no, she just had to come and ruin everything. She knew her pati babu had been living in guilt over the years and that she herself had been practicing control over her emotions. And they both were trying to get over it, had succeeded to some extent and were now happy. And thakuma had erupted their work over a conversation.

Why was her own family like that ? Where would she go if she ever found herself in trouble with her pati babu, if to believe thakuma, was soon going to happen.

The fact getting clear in her mind...she had nowhere to go...other than her pati babu. No matter how much he screamed at her, punished her, scolded her, disciplined her...it was only him who would take her in his arms in the whole wide world.
That too without expecting anything in return, trying to change nothing about her.