Undercover Blue Riot (Transmigration)

Sign 5 What is Love? Is it Happiness?

Cyril looked around in the darkroom. The windows were covered with dark red curtains and the bed was small, cramped but cosy. Glizzly stood before him with a coffee mug in a white sweater and grey joggers. "You're at my place" He kept his coffee mug on the lamp table and moved towards the window. Cyril pressed her head, "I don't remember what happened,"
"You passed out on the floor," 
"And you brought me to your place?"
Glizzly opened the curtains and bright light covered the window. Cyril covered his eyes as he squinted, "It made me go places,"

"Sounds terrible," Glizzly was facing the window, his figure looked tall but gentle as if fading away somehow. Cyril looked at his back, "Yes, it was. So, give me one more dose,"
Glizzly turned towards him, "Are you insane?"
"No, it took me to an unknown world and I want to go there again,"
"Whatever, why do I care. More customers, better work," 

He opened his drawer and pulled out a small plastic packet with a blue inside it, "Here,"
Cyril took the packet from him while still sitting in the bed, "Hopefully you didn't do anything weird to me, by the way,"

Glizzly laughed, "Nah, I like men,"
"Oh..." Cyril looked down. Of course, he does. "Though," Glizzly lit a cigarette as he stood beside the window, letting the smoke pass by. The sunlight reflected on his brown eyes, turning them to a beautiful amber honey shade, "You oddly remind me of someone,"

Cyril gently moved his hair away from his face, "Who do I remind you of?"
Glizzly smiled, "An old lover,"
"Well, then you must hate me. I remind you of an ex, after all,"
"You remind me of an ex, and that somehow...you know, creates of a soft spot for you in my heart. Otherwise, I won't any random high newbie at my place,"

Cyril looked surprised. He remembered all of it as he looked into his bright, brown eyes, that skinny and tall figure. He hadn't aged at all, and his pale skin made him look almost translucent. 
It was nice, why did he even let it go? What did he ever do wrong to deserve being behind?

Wasn't it just what Heart did to him before they met? Pretend to be someone she wasn't, give him good memories, then dump him without any reason, like he never meant anything.

So, it's karma...

Or maybe that's happiness. Just to keep something while it lasts for happy memories, then let it go when it doesn't make you happy anymore. 

It's cruel...

'I am cruel'

"Do you still like them?" Cyril asked. Glizzly blew smoke from his mouth, the ashes of cigarettes seemed to burn the memories. Memories that were happy, but the people in them weren't. The smell of dewdrops and morning grass mixed with the smell of his cigarette, is this happiness?

His feet were fast on the road, his breath, unsteady. His words burnt over his mind, like an ashtray inside his head, "Nah, he feels like a ghost at most now, a set of empty bones, searching for anything and everything to make him whole,"

The air was cold, but his tears were warm. And after all these years, he still remembered his way back home from that cursed street. His feet were hurting, but not more than his heart as he heard those words again and again and again.

"Do you still like them?" 

"Nah, he feels like a ghost at most now, a set of empty bones, searching for anything and everything to make him whole. Doesn't matter if it's a girl he can seduce or a guy he can repent for," 

This isn't happiness, is it? Because all the happy memories together cannot suppress what he was feeling right then, right there. That same old red house was falling apart and Glizzy stood beside the window just like he used, lost in a memory that was translating into the present, but this translation is heart-wrenching, it burning him, these ashes are burning him alive.

Glizzly sat on the roof of a car, high and tired. Cypher looked at him with a guitar in his hand. Glizzly looked just the way he did four years ago when he left Undercover Blue, "Is something bothering you?" Cypher asked. Glizzly looked aside, his eyes were red. 

"A lot is bothering me,"
"Tell me about it,"
"Don't bother. I'm going to die soon anyway," He looked at Cypher's guitar, "Can you even play that?"

"Of course I can. I ain't no poser!"
"Yeah, show me"

Cyril lay curled in the bed, hugging his pillow as he cried. He didn't know why he was crying, he didn't know what about those words hit him, maybe just everything? Maybe they saw through him even when he himself couldn't. He was searching for anything to make him whole, desperately, tragically...Just something that could distract him from his constant sadness.

And maybe that feeling was filled up by self-validation which he got when he seduced her. Maybe he felt beautiful only when others felt it too. Other beautiful people. Pretty faces, doesn't matter if it's a girl he could seduce, Heart was easy. Or a guy he can repent for,

'Did I even love her?'

Why do we fall in love? How do we know if it's love or self-validation? 
And does love guarantee happiness? 
Because every love he had known brought him pain and the one that didn't-He let it go himself. Because at that point he was so afraid of pain, he would do anything to avoid it. 

Even if it hurts someone else.
Is this selfish?
Then, is happiness selfish?

"Tristian," Arthur passed the thick rope to Tristian as they stood in the middle of the ocean, Skyler sat beside them in the boat. Arthur pinned his blonde hair up and wore his goggles, "Pull me in five minutes,"
"Gotcha," 
He jumped inside and Skyler set the timer. Tristian sat down and looked at Skyler, "I have been meaning to ask you something,"

"Yeah?" Skyler looked at him.
"What did you do to Edgar?"
"What do you mean?"
"You lied to Cyril that Edgar never came to your place. But we were together in your garage,"

Skyler's black eyes looked into Tristian's suspecting green eyes, "When?"
"May 24th, four days from now at nine in the evening. And Edgar was there with you and he disappeared that very evening,"
"Did you even meet me?"
"What the fuck do you mean? Of course, I did,"

"What was I wearing?"
"Erm..." Now, Tristian was lost in thought, "I don't remember,"
"What was Edgar wearing, you saw him,"
"I don't remember the details, but I remember you both were there,"

"Are you saying I killed him?"
Tristian's eyes widened, then he grinned, "Well, 

I never said you killed him,"

'I'm screwed'

-To be continued 

Undercover Blue Riot