Ch.4-Holding On-

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*Author's Note*-I really like this chapter. it's starting to get deep and I love writing that shit. Enjoy!

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-Sigrun(Sarah)-

"I should have died on that ship with Thor," Loki says as he bleakly looks at the wall. My eyes widen.

"Loki, don't say that. You made the right decision. You saved your family, you are not a bad person." I scooch closer to him on the bed and put my hand on his knee, coaxing him to look at me, which he does. "Why do you always think bad things should happen to you?" I ask. Loki looks into my eyes. He's exhausted and grieving, he has a right to be.

"Because I deserve it, everyone knows it, they wouldn't care." My mouth falls open and I feel tears come to my eyes. I gently grab his face and look him in the eyes.

"I would, Loki. I would care," I almost whisper and he looks at me almost curiously. I took a moment to get back to my thoughts because the deepness of his eyes was too distracting. "Your wife would care, your sons would care...Thor would care. You have to stop punishing yourself for your past. You are not your past Loki, you are whoever you want to be." There is a long silence as he looks back at me and I can't seem to pull away. Finally, a small smile spreads across his face.

"When did you become so wise?" he asks. I laugh lightly, letting my hands drop from his face.

"It took...time but I was able to find myself again. Trust me it took a good amount of therapy. But if I ever wanted to move on from the pain in my past I had to stop punishing myself for it," Loki swallows and looks down and I swear I see a hint of sadness before he looks back up at me admirably.

"Well, I'm glad you have found peace and happiness...you deserve it. Maybe I should try to forget too," Loki says.

"I didn't forget, I just moved on. But some things I didn't want to let go of, some things were worth holding on to," I say, gently as I absently reach up to rub the ring around my neck.

I can feel Loki looking at me for a few moments but it feels like hours before I clear my throat and stand up, Loki following my lead.

"You have a right to grieve Loki. But with Thanos coming I don't know how much time you'll have left with your family."

"We will beat Thanos," Loki says firmly. I sigh.

"I hope so.... When you're ready I suggest you spend some time with your family. Spend time with the people who make you happy before all hell breaks loose." I leave the room before Loki can say anything because he seems deep in thought. I probably shouldn't have said anything like that. He might have just lost his brother and now I'm telling him his family might die too.

I push away my feelings until I can make it to my room. And once I do I promptly close the door, stumbling into my bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror. I look right back at myself as my greyish blue eyes scan my body. My hair is tied back in a ponytail, the curly dark brown hair cascades down from the band I put to hold it in place, only slightly disheveled. There are dirt marks on my arms and some on my face, evidence of the spar I just had with Valkyrie. My Valkyrie armor is still attached to my body, the vibranium laced fabric hugs my thighs and hips perfectly to provide just the right fit, compliments of Suri. My dragon fang blade is still hooked to my side so I hastily unsheath it and place it on the counter. I release my hair from its ponytail and run my hands over it to smooth the baby hairs out of my face. My eyebrows are drawn in as I search for what's making me feel so...lost.

I take off my fingerless gloves, set them beside my sink, and wash the dirt from my hands until they feel raw. I wash the dirt from my face and tie my hair back into a ponytail.

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