Reviews : a book where I try to review other books

5 | Tempest of prey

BY: 

first impression

I was amazed by your descriptions, if anything I could consider it like physical book type of descriptions. You captured how the characters moved and honestly I was intrigued.

pacing

For me it was a little too fast, I think the first chapter [not the prologue] should take more time establishing who our character is and her life in this city. I can see good worldbuilding and how you're trying to avoid info dumping which is good but don't hesitate to sprinkle I little bit of explanation to certain moments. 

Like Amaya relationship with her father, have them call or talk or have her mention him with her conversation with Phoebe which I wish was longer to show more of their friendship. Have Amaya take time talking with this people, or her thinking of going home for her father when the topic is brought up. 

Maybe have them talk more about her situation even, to tell the readers as well what is her situation. 

characters

I like Amaya as a character and I can see the intent for her but I think it needs more oomph I suppose. There is just something missing when she interacts with the other characters. A suggestion is to give Amaya a clear character trait and then branch off that from their to add depth. 

I'm assuming she's the cheeky, playful type from her interaction with May. 

With this, Amaya is introduce with a character trait but her personality deepens as the story progresses. She undergoes growth, so to speak. Maybe Amaya is playful and cheeky because that was how she was brought up. She learns that charming her way to things works, and that staying cheerful brings joy to her father. 

That being playful meant she gains more friends. 

It could add depth, then maybe as the story continues, it's revealed the reasons behind her character. Why she tries to be happy, or why she doesn't let herself grieve or get emotional. 

The other characters, Like the girl who saved her is actually well written. There is a clear character trait for both the newly introduced characters and is clearly shown that they'll be staying in the story for a while. 

plot

Interesting is what I'd use to describe it. I think it's great and the pacing for it is well written so I actually can't wait for you to continue. 

descriptions

Great work in this par, although there were certain things that needed something more. 

Like how Amaya [is that correct] had debt to this Aunt May person, add more descriptions to how May looked and how her shop looked, where it's situated. Adding this descriptions can help build the scene more.

If you're not sure what to write in that scene in terms of location, write down the things that would catch a person's eye. Maybe a red carpet is spread atop like a roof to cover from the sun, a basket full of food stacked meticulously in the store front, or maybe there was a noticeable metal figure standing by the door to 'ward off the bad stuff'.

It can add worldbuilding, detail, and life to the story with these descriptions.

Another is the descriptions of the monsters. 

Describing creatures can be hard honestly and I think you've know how. My suggestion is add more details on color and prominent features. When it's mentioned they ate the people, maybe have the description mention something like

Red smeared across their mouths, specks of white peaking from their scarlet grin. 

The gore is alright, it wasn't too graphic which I'm not sure if you were going for that or not but I've never read a graphic paragraph of gore in a book in my life so I can't really say much about that. 

These are just suggestions, take it however you like. 

dialogue

It was lacking something: the sprinkle of personality in their lines. The lines felt forced and choreographed and kinda shallow. My suggestion is make them make grammar mistakes, short cut words and casual  speech. 

Assuming it's a fantasy world, maybe add some of their language and their dialects as well. 

Another is give them a speech pattern or style. Maybe Phoebe talks fast paced and tends stray away from the topic, May perhaps shouts or is informal in speech. Amiya could have a dialect or a word she mentions after every line. 

In general make the lines more casual and in the meeting of the new characters give them their own speech style as well. 

Maybe one speaks formally while the other tends to jump or leave out words. 

Was it compelling

Absolutely! Despite my constant suggestions and nitpicks in this review I honestly enjoyed reading it, I was in awe of your descriptions especially in the prologue.

Overall experience as a reader.

The book has potential to be a great one, it has an interesting plot and conflict that can hook in readers even if they don't read that genre. The descriptions are amazing and although dialogue and characters could use some work, both are still promising and honestly I would recommend anyone to read it. 

I hope this review was alright and was helpful in a way. If I wrote certain things wrong, I'm sorry I must missed it or forgot. Good luck with this book, farewell!

[P.s: The other reviews will be out next week, I'm taking exams this week. My sincerest apologies]