It Wasn't Supposed To Happen

23

Bondita woke up way too early that morning. She got dressed and ready and went down. Not wanting to be in anyone's presence right now. She went out for a walk in the lavish garden of the haveli.

Last night had been too much for her to wrap her head around. No, she was not doubting her decision to forgive him. She wanted to, she really wanted to. She closed her eyes at the blades of grass under her feet. But was it as easy ? She would have, under any other circumstance, went to her shikshak babu for help.

Had she bowed down her head in front him ? Had she really let her self respect take a seat back ? And she felt like even if that was true, he deserved it. They deserved it. Was the feeling wrong. He did so much for her, could she not forgive him ones. But it was he himself who taught her to never bow down when you are being wronged.

" Pati babu..." She so wanted to talk to him but didn't want to face him yet. " What to do ? Did I take the right step. It felt that it was the only right thing to do. We deserve happiness pati babu, both of us... don't we pati babu...? I can't stay away from you..."

She looked around. The loneliness was comforting. She knew she was never alone, she had him. She was never the one to keep grudges. She had forgiven everyone that ever did anything wrong to her. She had tried to let go away the bitterness, not accepted, her Sampoorna didi. Though she could never love her again, trust her again, call her family again but she decided to look past all her crimes.
Bondita didn't like holding grudges. Her pati babu told her it made people's mind fill with poison. Made people do wrong. She felt today that he was right. And most importantly it was a torture on your own self. And when she thought of a life where she hated, blamed and taunted her pati babu everytime she saw him, unsettled her. She was not that kind of a person.

And it was her pati babu. They had a relation more than that of a husband and wife. Had she not forgiven her mother for betraying her then. Why ? Only and only because she was her mother, family. It was natural to be able to forgive her.
And she had put her pati babu equal to if not more than her mother.

Her husband was like her mother...what a funny thought but that was what their relationship was. As close a child is to their mother, she was close to her pati babu.

And so forgiving him was not hard for Bondita.

Difficult seemed what had to follow. So many questions still unsettled. So much confusion. And she felt now, as her pati babu keep insisting, that she really was too young to go through all this, to understand the feeling settling in her guts.

Bondita knew her pati babu would never do that again to her but her Thakuma's words ringed in her ears again.

The child law marriage annulment. She had had no courage to bring it up last night, discussion of the past too heavy to burden it with future. But the fear of what he would do regarding it had not left her.

He said he could do anything to save her from all the horrors, even give up her education. What if he ends up giving her up ? All that happened, he had never left her side, no matter how painful he made staying beside him, but in a twisted way, they were always together. In each other's achivements and mistakes.

But what if he leaves her side ?

No...no...no... She didn't want to think of it just yet. She just got out of her past tortures, she could not dive into future this quick

No.

She had decided to forgive him. It would take time and work and she would take her sweet time.

In this she knew one thing...they both could not live without each other. Might as well do it peacefully.

And resolution locked, Bondita headed in to attend the morning Puja.