Being Red

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C H A P T E R       F O R T Y         T W O

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C H A P T E R F O R T Y T W O

I lay on my stomach as Ace trailed his warm fingers over my bareback. The back tickles felt lovely. I was sated and sleepy, warm and safe, cocooned under Aces protection. But it wasn't real, none of this was real, we were playing a game of house. Holding ourselves up in this little festive bubble, sooner or later we be both knew it needed to pop.

"Sometimes, when you fuck me it feels really intimate." I spoke my thoughts aloud and his finger stopped moving against my skin.

"Is that a bad thing?" His brow furrowed.

"For us, maybe." He sighed and moved his hand away completely, I held the sheet around my body and rolled over onto my back.

"Is this about what I said? 'Cause I didn't mean it like that I just meant - I -"

"No." I shut him down, never wanting to bring that up again. "It just feels, deeper than sex sometimes and that's really scary for me because I've never had that."

"I know, I feel it too." He confessed. "I've felt it for a long time, ever since that first lap dance. I just figured it was because nobody ever looked at me. I didn't allow it. But you looked right into my eyes and there was just this - I don't know - this -"

"Connection." I helped him out.

"Yeah. It terrified me. But then I told myself I was just attracted to you. I hadn't been attracted to anyone in a while and you're a beautiful girl. I figured if I fucked you I would get it out of my system but then fucking you made it a thousand times worse."

"I thought-" I stopped, feeling awkward with my honesty. He would think I was weird or broken or something.

"What?" He cuddled closer into me. This whole conversation felt intimate, invasive but comfortable.

"The first time we fucked, it felt intimate. There were so many feelings and I couldn't process them. It was like beyond sex, like we made love. It left me confused and I just told myself I only felt that way because you were the first ever guy to give me an orgasm."

"Wait, I was?" I nodded and he smiled, proud of himself. "Then I was a jackass and dangled those girls in your face because I got scared that I felt something more for you than just attraction. I wasn't used to that. I've never had an adult relationship or even an adult hook-up so I acted in the only way I knew - like a pathetic teenager."

"Yeah, you were a dick." I confirmed and he laughed.

"After we fucked, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was driving myself crazy. I would watch you from across the club and my dick would twinge, constantly having to readjust the hard on in my pants before someone noticed. Every time I fell asleep I would dream about fucking you. Sex with you is fucking mind blowing, it's all I could think about.

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