Eggnog & Evergreen

25 • Eggnog

Nik digs out two copper mugs from inside his sack. He pours creamy liquid into both and holds one out for me. I hate how temptingly tasty it looks.

"I promise it doesn't bite. Just have a cup. It's nice and toasty," Nik says, sipping his own.

"Is it poisoned?" I ask, skeptical. You can never be too careful.

"Only with spirit," Nike grins. "And nutmeg."

"Ok. Ok. If I agree to try it, will you finally give me some answers?" I look at the steam rising from the mug. "And how is it still hot? We've been on this sled for hours."

"I will trade you one answer for every sip. Deal?" Nik asks, completely ignoring my other question.

"Deal," I say, taking the dimpled mug from Nik.

I can feel its warmth spreading through my mittens already.

"Cheers," Nik says.

I hold up my cup and fake a smile. I can smell the spiced eggnog before the mug even reaches my lips. It's like drinking a liquid cloud. All the sudden I regret that I've been holding out on myself for so long.

"You made this?" I ask. "It's -Wow."

"Good, yeah?" Nik asks.

"Maybe it's a side-effect of the cold, but it tastes especially yummy," I admit, sheepish.

I place the mug between my thighs on top of the blanket and readjust my earmuffs. My hair is full of snow and it's making my whole head wet.

"Ok, so how did you end up here?" I ask. The smidge of rum in this is already bolstering my courage. "You promised answers."

"Jumping right in?" Nik asks, leaning back. "Ah, Ok."

I wait patiently, examining Nik's hair and how it curls under the snow's moisture.

"I ended up here -accidentally on purpose, I guess you could say," Nik begins. "I'm from Pennsylvania originally. My parents moved to Virginia when I was two years old. I grew up there. They're both gone now. About a year ago, I needed a change. I started looking up farms in Pennsylvania. Anyone that needed live-in help."

Nik takes a sip of his nog. I follow suit.

"What happened a year ago?"

Nik's full lips turn into a sad smile. I can see it in his eyes.

"My fiancée," he says quietly. "There was an accident and -she passed right after Christmas."

"Oh my god, Nik -I'm-"

Sorry? Doesn't exactly hold much weight. I wish there were poison in this nog.

"It's better now," Nik says. "But this is my first Christmas without her. I'm trying to keep my mind off of it by-"

"Spreading copious amounts of cheer?" I finish for him, a literal grimace on my face.

"Exactly."

"I wish I had known. I mean-"

"You would have been slightly less horrible to me?" Nik asks, eyes creasing with a smile.

"Well, I definitely wouldn't have complained about my five-year plan getting thrown off track. I can't believe I whined about being dumped to you." I shake my head with shame.

Nik unscrews the cap on the thermos and refills our mugs. His long, ungloved fingers turn red in the snow.

I take sips of my eggnog to keep my mouth busy. I'm afraid if I talk I'll say something wrong. So this is why Nik is quiet and reserved, a bit of a loner, and why he is obsessed with being happy this Christmas.

Why do I find myself wanting to hug him?

"You can ask another question," Nik says. "You've been sipping the eggnog like crazy."

"Oh, right." I push what's left of my wet curls over my shoulder and slightly turn myself towards Nik. "All this -Does it help?"

By all this I mean the farm, delivering trees, etc.

Nik nods, gnawing on his lip. "The quiet. Nature. The small town. Some days it helps more than others."

"What did you do in Virginia?"

"How hard would you judge me if I said I worked in a lumber yard?" Nik asks.

"Really?"

"No," he shakes his head. "I just wanted to see your face."

"Rude!" I nudge his shoulder with my elbow.

I think about the other night in my dad's truck -about all the assumptions I made about him. "Is Christmas your favorite holiday?"

"It's not, actually. It's a close contender, don't get me wrong. But my favorite has to be Halloween." Nik nods.

"Ah, the spooky season," I say, with deep appreciation.

"Let me guess," Nik says, searching me fixedly, like the answer to my favorite holiday is hidden in my eyes. "A Thanksgiving gal?"

"Wildly overlooked." I nod. "I'm empty," I say, holding up my mug.

"Growing on you?"

I can't help but smirk at Nik's loaded question. Everything about him, including his eggnog, is growing all over me.

"You got me started," I tease.

"Ok, but now I get a question," Nik says, emptying the last of the creamy nog into my mug.

"One," I bequeath him.

"What is it about -Preston, right?"

I nod.

"What is it about him that you can't let go?" Nik asks.

I think about this, I mean really think about it -for the first time since I pulled down the snowflake garland on the night Preston dumped me. The options are too many to count.

His charm? The comfortability? His immaculate suits?

"I think what I can't let go of is the time lost. Like, if we can't make it work out, then what was the point of the last three years?" I ask.

"Were they a good three years?" Nik asks. "Would you change them? Take Preston back if you knew how it all ended?"

"You mean if I knew I'd end up stranded on a sleigh, sipping eggnog with some stranger?" I smirk.

"Quasi-stranger," Nik correct me.

"I wouldn't," I admit. "I wouldn't change any of it."

"Exactly," Nik smiles brightly, like some invisible lightbulb is shining between us.

"What do you mean, 'Exactly'?"

"You wouldn't change it because it exists. Even if the ending wasn't your ending, wasn't what you would have chosen, it's part of how you move forward."

Nik's raspy voice sounds somehow silky in the snowfall. I move in, drawn to his radiating heat.

"Do you recite poetry, too?" I tease.

"What's in a name?" Nik pretends to get all pensive.

"Ha! Stop, stop." I laugh loosely. I stare absentmindedly at the top of Nik's turtleneck, imagining my hands running over it.

Nik stops laughing when his eyes catch mine.

"What was her name?" I ask.

"Allison," Nik smiles sadly. "And she loved eggnog."