𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫, 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫 | 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

02. broken noses and bloody knuckles.

T W O
broken noses and bloody knuckles.

I can smell the salt in the air, and every so often a heavy wind picks up loose sand and whips it against my exposed legs.

Sometimes I don't feel like a real person, in more than an existential 'what is human consciousness' way, in a way that means at what point do I become a doll for Rafe to play with? When does Frankie, turn in Franny? Because I don't like her. I'm dressed in a dress he likes, that I do not. And my hair is out, another thing I cannot stand. It's all for him.

Walking alongside Sarah, who likes her brother less than I do, we head toward the party. It's going to be a complete and utter shitshow. I just know it, the feeling is eating away at me.

I'm not completely stupid. I know whose party this is, through context clues, and just a gut feeling.

It's being run by Kie and the people she hangs out with. One of them is probably—definitely JJ. Sadly. I like to pretend he doesn't actually exist, he's just some lucid dream I have sometimes. A nice lucid dream. A very inappropriate lucid dream.

We walk behind the self-proclaimed Kook Kings, a title that makes me cringe.

The long dark strands of my hair blow in the wind, every so often they go into my mouth and I almost choke on them. It's all very sexy.

"Ooh, we should go climb that." Her eyes catch some large, rusted shipping thing. My knowledge of ships, boats, and shipping is abysmal. The red paint that once covered the entire structure is slowly chipping away, revealing the rusted hole underneath. It's a breeding ground for tetanus.

I look at my blonde friend, wondering seriously about her sanity. "Sarah, no. I'm all for awful decisions, but dying of tetanus is an awful way to go. Have you see—"

She walks off, rolling her eyes at me. Bitch.

I watch her climb up, not being nearly as careful as she should be. Turning around, not wanting to watch her be a quadriplegic, I walk the rest of the way into the party. Topper and Rafe disappeared into the throng of people, but I doubt my reprieve from my ball and chain will last long. I'm not that lucky.

Walking around, I freeze when I see him. The person I like pretending does not exist outside my lucid dreams.

He sees me, I see him. My body goes cold and rigid.

I knew he would be here, but I was kind of counting on not seeing him. I usually manage to avoid him in my personal life.

A hand catches my arm, and I can smell the luxe aftershave. He's back. I turn to see him, slapping on an over-the-top smile. "I was looking for you!" I tell him, loud enough that if JJ is still there, he would hear. I'm trying to tell him to fuck off. Rafe gives me a confused look, one I cannot be bothered to decipher, but in the end, he just hands me a beer.

I fucking hate beer. But, tonight it is a necessary evil. I will not survive this night sober, even the thought JJ is anywhere close to me makes my heart rate spike.

Looking over my shoulder, I can still see the thing Sarah's climbing. I didn't make it all that deep into the party, I kinda got stuck. Rafe seems to have abandoned Topper, leaving him to try and convince Sarah to get down.

My head already thuds, the loud music, heat from bodies packed like sardines, and my only drink in hours being a beer. Not a good combo.

Rafe has stuck me to his side like glue, a hand wrapped around my waist like I'm about to run for the hills. I have gotten a good feel for Rafe, and when he's teetering on the edge of a meltdown. And we are primed for one right now. The way his fingers dig into my skin, and his arm doesn't just rest but pulls. This night is going to end badly, probably with me wiping his hands of blood and icing his broken nose. All while listening to all the reasons it's all my fault.