9.

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Grace's POV

I walked back into the apartment, with McDonald's for me and Ellie because I felt like I had to make up for what I did or have been doing which is ruining Ellie's day and her ways of having fun.

I feel like me putting my trauma on her is making her mad but I don't mean to do that, I just don't know how to act because I never had a friend.

And I don't think she considers us as friends either but I like to think that I have a friend that cares about me.

"Where the fuck were you?!" She yelled at me. I closed the door and put the food down "I went to bring food for the both of us-" she came towards me and wrapped her hand around my throat, pinning me against the wall "what time is it Grace?"

I shrugged "I don't know" I was stuttering because I was nervous on what she's going to do, she scares me.

"It's 11pm for fuck's sake. I told you not to go anywhere alone late at night" she said, I nodded "I know I told Camila to take me" I said, she laughed and let go of my throat "that fucking bitch, what's up with you and her?!"

"Nothing she's just my friend besides you" I said. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows, laughing a little "you don't seriously think we're friends right?"

Tears started forming in my eyes, not because she said that, I knew she was going to say that but I liked the fact that one of my friends take good care of me even after hurting me, it felt like she was making it up for what she did to me in high school.

"Yeah I'm sorry, I didn't know" I said, trying to smile but a tear escaped my eye "oh come on Grace, don't be sensitive about that" she said laughing, thinking it's going to cheer me up.

"It's okay, I just..have something in my eye" I went to my room quickly and closed the door. I dropped on the bed and looked at the ceiling, I hate the fact that my mind tries to convince me shit I know will never happen.

You're so fucking stupid for thinking she'll ever be friends with you, that's what I kept repeating in my head over and over again, making more tears come down my cheek.

Like come on, why her from all people? The person who made you hate your appearance, the person who started rumors about you so people would stop talking to you..why her?

I don't know either, I just hoped that things change for college but it didn't. She just likes being in control of my life, telling me what to do and what not to do and I know for a fact that I won't be able to say shit to her because I'm too weak to defend myself or speak up for myself.

"Stand up" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Ellie who was standing next to the door. I stood up and kept looking down "come on" I looked up at her and she put her hand out for me to hold.

I smiled, you're such a fucking fool Grace...but I didn't care, I wanted to go with her.

I held her hand and she walked me out of the room "I'm not letting you yell at me of course.." she said, I nodded understanding "..but tell me what's bothering you, about me"

She let go of my hand, got on the kitchen counter and sat on it, resting back on her hands and looking at me, waiting for me to talk.

"You're really messy and controlling" she laughed and nodded "okay, keep going"

"You're really annoying and you don't let me talk. You made me lose my friends and also lose myself which I fucking hate-" she shook her head and cut me off "don't ever and I mean EVER cuss at me and don't raise your voice either"

"I'm sorry" I said playing with the ring nervously, I need to stop doing that, I do it too much "it's fine just keep talking"

"You made things really hard on me and now you act like my friend but you say you aren't" she jumped off the counter and crossed her arms "because I'm not. I literally cannot stand you Grace, why would I be your friend?"

"Oh" that really did hurt.

"Oh come on, we both knew that this friendship was never going to work since high school. I was an asshole to you and even if we were going to be friends you shouldn't let it happen, I hurt you and you shouldn't be coming back to the people who hurt you"

I smiled and nodded "I know but I don't like hating people for a long time, I simply cannot and I tried hating you but you being my roommate made me not want to hate you because you've been taking care of me but in a really really aggressive way"

She shrugged "do whatever you want then. Don't get mad or sad if I get too protective" she said walking towards her room and closing the door behind her.

I sighed and went back to my room.

Let her be protective, just don't let her take over your life and don't let her be in control of it. How am I going to do this? I don't know but I'll try to.

I personally don't know how to talk back to a person because any time I fought with anyone in high school I wouldn't know what to say and I didn't tell anyone about what happens to me in school, I just told my mom I had "trouble" so she didn't really know that she has to tell me that I should defend myself and speak up, she doesn't have to but maybe my mom telling me that would have made me stronger? I don't know honestly, I just never had anyone to guide me through things other than my therapist.

But my mom has been going through a really rough time since my dad passed away. She's always out of the house, doesn't talk as much..she's been really off since that day.

I have been hating Ellie for a long time but right now, I don't know. I don't hate her but I don't really prefer her over others. I just can't keep hating someone especially when they start living with me and taking care of me but just like I said, she does it really aggressively.

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