As Cold As Ice

Little

I woke up. I groaned softly as I glanced at the clock. 5am.

"You're awake" I heard someone grumble to see Avery sitting in the corner.
"Yeah" I whispered, unable to look at him.
"Did I wake you?" He asked, fidgeting with his nails.
"No, I just can't sleep" I admitted.
"You always did suffer from anxiety" Avery smiled revealing something he secretly knew about me.
"How do you-" I was interrupted by him. "You used to get cramps in your stomach before you saw a new couple. "You were always afraid of not being picked" Avery spoke quietly, his knees pulled to his chest and his head resting on his arms which were sitting on top of his knees.

He earned a light chuckle.

"What?" Avery croaked, half asleep.
"I was never afraid of not being picked" I grinned, shaking my head. I could believe he thought that. "That's not what gave me anxiety".
"What was it then?" He asked with a hushed tone, seeming interested in my response.
I stayed silent for a moment, unsure if I wanted to tell him the reason. ".....I was afraid of being away from you, the idea of living even further away gave me anxiety" I admitted quietly, the grin slowly fading as I glanced at his sad expression.
"Alex I know you probably don't want to hear this but I don't need you to protect me all the time. You can have your own life and we'll still be brother's" he attempted to reassure me but something about leaving him just didn't feel right.

"I could never leave you, not the same way dad left us" I spoke, confident with my decision.

"At least give some people a chance" Avery asked hopefully.
"Maybe..." I nodded in agreement. Even if I didn't like the family, I'd only have to live with them until I was eighteen.

He suddenly puked into the bucket, but it didn't seem to faze him. He'd thrown up too many times in the last couple of hours. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve, making me cringe from disgust.

"You're filthy" I grumbled as he smiled innocently.

"We should go on a vacation together soon" Avery announced out of the blue.
"Why?" I questioned, with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't know, we both need a break" He uttered, his eyes closed as he spoke.
"Where would you like to go?" I murmured.
"Iceland to see the northern lights" He stated yet his eyes were still closed. "I should call you Ice from now on, to remind us that we have to go".
"Fuck off" I scoffed, with a smirk of disbelief.

"No I'm being serious, I won't stop calling you Ice until we go to Iceland".

"You're not being serious" I chuckled, shaking my head.
"Ice, I'm being deadly serious" He grinned at my new nickname. "You never know, it could stick"
"It won't" I reassured him.
"Maybe it won't, but it's a good idea" He joked, seeming proud of himself.

"Avery I know I don't say it enough, maybe I've never said it at all, but..... I suppose I could have a worse little brother" I shrugged carelessly with a slight smile, before glancing over at him. I noticed a big smile spread across his face before he attempted to hide it.
"Maybe..... just maybe...... I think the same" He replied with a hint of happiness in his stare.

As my eyes began to shut, I could hear Avery sing quietly.
"Alex...." Avery spoke but for some reason I didn't reply. I just lay still, with my eyes closed, letting the darkness consume me. "You'll always have me, no matter how far away I am from you".

*****

I sat on the roof of the house, just taking in the fresh, morning air. It had just rained, so they're was certain smell in the air; everything was damp, including the roof I was sitting on. However, the sky was clear and the sun was shining. My eyes remained closed as I soaked in the beams from the sun. I knew there wasn't going to be many mornings like this, so I cherished it while I could.