60 Days With Professor Romanoff - In The Dark -

SACRIFICE

Unedited (01/12/21)

Y/N POV-

"Natasha a man who won't stay with you through thick and thin doesn't deserve you," I comfort.

"You wouldn't understand, it's not like that. Steve and I only got together because it was logical. We've been friends forever, he wanted a family and I wanted something safe and reliable and I've never had that in a relationship before. We weren't so much a relationship more so a partnership, we loved each other- not in that way but we worked so well together it seemed so logical so we made our deal but when I found out I couldn't have children he lost his end of the deal. It's fair this way and yes it hurts but I'm okay with it," she explains.

"Oh," I pause for a moment unsure of what to say "so what? Maybe you didn't lose a boyfriend per se but you lost your something safe and reliable and that clearly meant a lot to you."

"Y/N we don't need to talk about it," she says defensively.

"You don't have to talk about if you don't want to but you lost the one thing you could rely on after losing God knows what else to put you in that position to begin with so forgive me here for worrying about you."

She runs her hands through her hair as she closes her eyes "I'm fine."

"Natasha look at me," I step closer to her cupping her face urging her to focus on me "would you please for just a minute put your pride aside and stop pretending everything is okay you look like your minds going a thousand miles an hour just breathe."

"I'm being honest I'm okay he isn't the reason I'm stressed. I want to feel the pain of what has happened but I've been so preoccupied with everything else and I'm so damn confused Y/N I haven't had two seconds to think anything through. My morals and rationality are hanging by a thread as it and then you're here in that dress playing with the buttons on my shirt like you don't know what you're doing."

I swallow "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry but there has to be a line between us because I know how it feels to be close to you," her voice reduces to a whisper as she runs her index finger from my jaw down my neck to the collar of her blazer "I know what it feels like to have you kissing my neck and I wish I didn't."

She wishes it had never happened. I find it hard to look at her as her words cut deep. The things she says feel so different from the things she's doing, the way she's looking at me.

"I know the things I've done were less than appropriate but you could've stopped it, reported it or had me transfer classes but you didn't. You entertained it, you tease and then go cold with me. One minute you're about to kiss me the next you're yelling. My God I've never hated someone the way I hate you and your mind games," I say bitterly.

"I feel like you forget I'm human and I have feelings I want to kiss you and I want to do less than decent things to you but I'm your teacher and balancing that isn't easy when you do the things you do," she snaps back.

"You say that as if I have so much more control over things. You're my teacher, do you know how high my grade would be if took a test on mental insanity... Certainly higher than any other grade I've gotten because when I look at you," I breathe "my professor... all I want to do is kiss you and I can't."

I pull off her blazer as I start to feel warmer, my frustration burning inside me like a wildfire.

She breathes heavier "but this isn't going to be on you Y/N I'm the responsible adult here."

"I'm not a child and it's not fair, responsibility should be 50/50. You don't make things easy for me either, but you know that... so just kiss me or leave."