lost soul [teen wolf]

[chapter eighteen] control is overrated

'✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.

Aires pov...

"No." Deaton whispered as he leaned over the edge of the counter with his head in his hands. "No, this wasn't supposed to happen yet, you didn't even get a chance."

"I know." I whispered. "That's why I need your help."

I watched as he stood up straighter, tears pricked his eyes as he looked at me, the girl he watched grow up from the sideline. I could see it in his eyes, his heart breaking.

"Your life is going to be forever changed, you are never going to be able to live as you once did. You're going to change into a different person, one you may not recognise."

I already no longer recognised myself.

"Yeah, I know. I already don't recognise myself in the mirror." I muttered under my breath.

"I can tell you what I know, knowledge will be the most important part. However, learning to live with it will be the hardest. You are good Aires, you have a pure heart. Always hold onto that, hold onto it tightly or you will lose it."

The finality in his words sounded more like a warning of what would happen rather than what could happen. I would lose myself, lose my heart. I didn't know what to make of it.

"So what do I need to know?" I knew bits and pieces from living with the Mikaelsons for a few years however, most of it was a blur, I wasn't entirely sure what was normal for a vampire and what they just did because they loved chaos.

"Well, I can see you made a daylight necklace. How did you know how to make one?"

"Auntie Bex." I mumbled with a hint of a smile. "And I didn't make it, I stole it from her when I was younger and now it works for me."

"Good, that's good. At least you have one of the most vital things. Always wear it. Now, as for blood. You need to consume it regularly. You can get blood bags from hospitals or hunt animals, I recommend the latter. Compulsion, you can compel anyone as long as they don't have vervain in their system. Vervain is toxic to vampires, whilst it won't kill you specifically it will make you wish you were dead. It can come in the form of liquid and plant, both are deadly so steer away. I'm sure you've already discovered your heightened senses, correct?"

"Yes."

"Well, you will have improved sight, smell and hearing. Speed, you will become faster, be able to run faster. Your strength will also increase, making you able to break bones easily. Healing, you can heal fast but not to everything. Poisonous things such as mistletoe, vervain, mountain ash and rose water will slow it down a lot. If it is laced on a knife let's say, the stab wound will take longer to heal. Faster than a human but still slower then if it were a normal wound. Wolf bites and scratches also take longer to heal, no matter how big or small, they will take a few days. Don't worry, it won't turn you."

"What about bloodlust? How can I stop it from making me homicidal?" I mumbled with a roll of my eyes.

"You can't," he whispered. "It will always be there, you just have to learn over time how to control it."

Control, something I had always lacked.

Shaking the thought to the side, I nodded. It was a lot to deal with, a lot to try and understand.

"There's one more thing." He said cautiously, looking unsure if he should continue. "You have a humanity switch, it keeps you human, stable. It's a switch in your mind that keeps you yourself, turn it off and you will be completely void of emotion. You can turn it back on but that is a long process. Whatever you do, don't turn it off."