Petal [h.s.]

FOURTEEN - DRIVE ME CRAZY

The best thing that's happened since Harry and I found one another again is the change in my dreams. I had been suffering from my nightmares for so long that I wasn't sure I could dream about anything else. Then he appeared and all of my dreams began to involve him.

When I closed my eyes these last few nights, I saw a drunk Harry on the beach. His hair was tousled with the wind, his eyes bleary from the whiskey that I could smell on his breath. His cheeks were tinged pink from the chill off the ocean. His lips, the way they turned up at the corners to show off his dimples so many times that night.

I couldn't get over his smile. I couldn't stop seeing those lips when he leaned into me, ready to kiss me. The way his cold nose brushed over mine was so gentle, so much softer than I expected from him. I could feel him breathe against me. His body was so warm and I wanted to lean into him.

I couldn't remember the last time I wanted to kiss someone the way I wanted to kiss Harry. I couldn't let him go through with it. He was drunk and clearly upset over something that happened before he came outside. I felt tipsy from all the sips of whiskey I had, but I was sober enough to know that kissing him would be a mistake. He'd only hate me for it the next day and he hated me enough already. I didn't want to add to that.

Although, it seemed that stopping him simply made him hate me more anyways. It had been a few days since that disaster of a night and neither Harry nor Finn were speaking to me. Harry didn't bother me much, he was generally a jackass to me. Finn's silent treatment was the one I hated the most. I could barely function under the guilt of what I did to him. Depression had latched onto my body like a leech and it was sucking everything out of me. I was desperate for some type of feeling that wasn't sadness.

Every day was robotic. I just woke up and went through the daily motions of running the shop. After closing up, I'd go right up to bed. I couldn't pretend like I was okay for longer than the 12 hours I spent at my shop every day. River would try to send me home when he showed up, but I would just go into my office instead and listen to the comforting noise of the customers entering and River bantering with Buffy. I didn't want to be alone. I was worried about what I would do if I was left alone with my thoughts and my sharp objects for too long.

I rarely saw Harry at all, except in the mornings. Every day when I'd get ready to open, I would catch Harry's gaze through the window of my shop as he walked past with coffee in hand. I noticed he went to Java Hut, just like I did, and I knew it was likely we would wind up there at the same time one day.

Apparently, that day was today.

I had just walked into the coffee shop when he appeared, his face falling at the sight of me. I gave him a once over, noticing how gorgeous he looked first thing in the morning, thinking about what an absolute crime that was. He had on a white t-shirt, a red bandana tied loosely around his neck and black jeans that did amazing things for his ass. His fingers moved up to shove his sunglasses into his hair, looking pissed as our eyes met.