🌠BLOODIA: Vampire Iniquity

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BOOK TITLE: BLOODIA: VAMPIRE INIQUITY
AUTHOR: Infectious1x1
GENRE: Vampire Romance
REVIEWER: Lilly

/SCORE POINT/

Cover: 5/10

•Blurb: 3/10

•Writing Style & Presentation: 10/20

•Character & Dialogue Development: 10/20

•Plot Originality & Development: 12/20

•Grammar & Punctuation: 9/20

____________
Total Point: 49/100

____________Total Point: 49/100

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/REVIEW/


Bloodia: Vampire Iniquity is a story about a powerful vampire princess who wages a vengeful war against humans who murdered her loving mother in cold blood. At a very young age she witnesses the murder and torture of her mother which leads to her early transformation and immerse blood thirst.

The cover for this book is a combination of so many beautiful concepts which makes the overall art work not very appealing. I know it’s a vampire story and you probably wanted to add all the element (blood, fangs, darkness etc.) but having all of them clustered in one place destroys the beautiful graphic you probably wanted to create. I’ll suggest using just one model rather than all three you have right now. The font too could be changed to a more subtle style and color. Just because it’s a vampire story doesn’t mean you have to use red as the color for your fonts. To make things even easier and better, I’ll say you use one of the numerous graphic shops on Wattpad.

A blurb is supposed to be a short description of a book, and to be honest, this story doesn’t have a blurb. What it has is an excerpt from the story telling the tales of a caged person. Now this person might be our Mandy in the long run but it didn’t describe what Bloodia is all about. You might consider adding a more precise description of what your plot in this story is about and maybe adding the twist or peak that could lure people into reading your book.

The paragraphs are also too short in my opinion and they don’t flow into one another. There is no continuity in a way. I’ll sight an example, in your opening paragraph;


In a kingdom of vampires named Gotic Kingdom, lived some humans who acted dreadful and wicked.
The atmosphere was tensed in the building as the wind whispered fright.’


You introduced your story almost like a fairytale and then the next paragraph went on to talk about a building which you haven’t previously mentioned, leaving your readers in utter confusion. To fix this, you will have to take your time in developing each paragraphs nice and slowly before proceeding to the next for perfect story flow and continuity. For instance;


‘In a world where humans and vampires were supposed to live together in peace and harmony, the most unexpected of event occurred. The event proved the cruelty of humans against vampires and a great war threatened to befall the land, especially in Gotic Kingdom.
With the winds of war flowing across the kingdom, tension rose and the atmosphere became filled with fright from both sides. But the vampires were more afraid of something else. Something they feared more than the approaching war; their very own princess.’


From the example above, I tried to blend your introduction of the kingdom with the fear the vampires had towards their princess.

Furthermore, the first and second paragraphs didn’t seem like separate entities from different parts of the story, they flowed into each other in a proper manner. As the author of this amazing story, I believe you will do an even better job.

As for characterization I believe, Mandy has so much potential and as the story progresses we’ll probably get to see that. As of now, I didn’t get much other than she really likes blood and doesn’t care where she gets it from; vampire or human.

The dialogues didn’t also help much because it came off sort of robotic. Writing compelling and realistic dialogue takes skill which we all have to learn and keep learning to perfect ourselves. And this means the dialogues need to be properly punctuated following simple rules. For instance, your ending punctuations (commas, exclamations and full stops) need to be within your quotation marks; use only one exclamation mark in your dialogues, if the character is extremely angry or whatsoever, show it through their actions and not the exclamations. for instance;


“Tsk father. Ha!! . These nuisances are servants . They are my properties . I do whatever I want with them”. Mandy quickly said to her father. (✖)


“Father,” Mandy began coldly, “these nuisances are servants. They are my properties. I do whatever I want with them.” Her entire body vibrated with anger as she spoke. (✔)


I love the plot of this story very much, like I stated earlier it is a very promising story. I just feel the author need to really take out time to properly plan and develop it the way it should be. A lot of words were wrongly spelt making the plot to become somewhat lost between the words. A thorough edit of the dialogue punctuations and general presentation is also very necessary to set the pace of this awesome tale of revenge and power.

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