Harry Styles
I didn't sleep at all last night.
My eyes were burning a bit from all the crying and I was pretty sure I ran out of tears, which wasn't necessarily bad because I couldn't stand feeling this sad and broken anymore.
Maybe now I could try to handle things differently... crying my eyes out definitely helped though. There was something so refreshing about simply letting it all out through the tears that it actually made me feel less broken.
Everything hurt still... but my mind was clearer and I was in control again.
Or at least it seemed like it.
It was almost noon and Cleo was currently asleep right next to me on the bed, and she still slept with her fingers in my hair even though it wasn't long anymore.
She'd either thread them in the back of my hair or the side, she always did this when she was deep asleep and now it was a bit easier since it wasn't as short as last month. It was adorable, probably the only time she allowed herself to cuddle freely and she looked so harmless... which was rare.
I needed this. I needed to feel her close to me, especially after last night.
We had talked a lot, actually. We came to bed around seven a.m. and the sun was already coming through the windows. We basically just undressed and got under the covers, and I had to remind her to clean her tattoos once she woke up. Mine were too small, I didn't have to bother as much.
But Cleo focused only on me last night... she listened and she also told me what my mother had tried to explain.
And I was very thankful that Cleo was telling me the truth and not trying to keep things from me because I was too fragile...
Which only made me feel very fucking guilty because I remembered what happened to Louis and how I never told her that she completely blacked out and nearly cut his head off. I told her I killed him because I was afraid of her reaction, I'd never seen her like that before. And then shit kept hitting the fan and Niall died, I just didn't know how to tell her. No time seemed like the right time.
She had the right to know, I was aware of that. But I was a bit scared of her reaction and as selfish as it sounded, I didn't want her to be mad at me.
I shouldn't have lied in the first place but I was the king of impulsive decisions. And now I had to find a way to fix this while also trying to find a way to mix myself.
Cleo told me a whole fucking lot of information that I was still processing, but I was honestly glad things finally made sense regarding the list.
My mother was still dead to me, her participation in all this only gave me more reasons to dislike her at the moment. Maybe that's why I wasn't so shocked when I found out she was behind it, the fact she was alive shocked me much more.
I didn't regret breaking the necklace, I wished I could burn everything I had of hers back in New York.
Perhaps she thought she could fix things or feel less guilty about the things she'd done, but I wasn't going to help her feel better about herself. She crossed a fucking line when she had the nerve to come here when I wasn't ready at all to talk to her. It was really damn disrespectful and I was glad Cleo scared her off.
She chose to fake her death and leaving, daring to get involved again to 'help' Cleo and me was just so fucking stupid and clueless.
I didn't care that she wanted to keep us safe because she actually did the opposite. She also left me, and that hurt me more than anything else.
