Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - Zero O'Clock

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: Zero O'Clock

Client: --caramel

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Title and Cover

Title is unique. From the title itself, I can gather that the book runs around the time. Reading the extended summary, this feels like the perfect title. I didn't really get what the words in the bracket- [WIP] refer to.

The cover seems to have some celebrities on it. It may work if your book is fanfiction but it doesn't really give out the fantasy vibes. A clock or something related to time travel would suit better in my opinion. Also the subtitles aren't really visible. Choose a different font/enlarge this one.

Blurb

Starting Dialogue is good. Just one sentence is enough to give us the gist of the story. Just make sure that the first letter is always capital.

Moving onto the next para, the first sentence seems incomplete. It starts with when, but doesn't really tell us what happens after that. So you can add something after the words-first day of the Spring. Or you can convert this into a question- What happens when twenty......Spring? The last sentences with an OR in between doesn't really make sense. So look into it.

The blurb is interesting for sure. What you have thought is enough to grab the attention of a reader but it needs to be properly structured. Or you can write the questions in the exact manner as written in the extended summary. It looks far more polished.

Moving towards the chapters,

Great start. It was heart-breaking to say the least. I like the way chapter 00 flowed. The innocent query, a slight foreshadow, and the subtle way of showing the relation to the Title. Awesome.

I like the poem and quote used in epigraph and blemish.

As the chapter one starts, the readers are given an insight on the characters life. Emotions are nicely conveyed. The best part is that we get to know about the characters' relations with each other through actions, rather than them being spelled out. Although, I was wondering why the name of the person who brought the cake wasn't informed. Was it intentional or was it left out by mistake? From the emotional chapter, the chapter dives into mystery at the end. Great way to end the chapter.

Chpt 2- The Sun was glaring down at her and she wondered how she was still wearing a sweater and not sweating profusely. She wondered why her hair was not bothering her. Her temple throbbed.

This can be written as:

Her eyes squinted as the sun glared down at her, making her wonder how she was able to wear a sweater without sweating profusely. She also wondered why her hair wasn't bothering her in this heat, as her temple throbbed.

All the chapters move smoothly and are consistent. They are of perfect length. Not too long and not too short.

It would be better if the things relating to her memory are explained thoroughly in the chapter through the character itself rather than the author's note at the end of chapters.

Descriptions of the scenes can be added more but personally I don't mind the lack of descriptions much. The dialogues are good. Few cliffhangers placed were good, they did their work to raise curiosity. Though punch lines were very few, comic timing was great.

Plot was interesting and engaging. Information was given at the right places and in appropriate proportions. Vocabulary used is great too. It is neither too simple nor complicated. It is easy to read the story without getting stuck or bored. I learned a few new words from the story, so thanks.

Grammar

Capitalization of first letter, missing/misplaced commas, unnecessary/wrong use of words once or twice, few spelling mistakes. Look out for all these minor errors while editing.

Few sentences would sound better if they are written a little differently. A lot of sentences are too large, often connected with two-three 'and' in the same sentence. Try rewording them a little.

Over all,

Very interesting story. There are minor hiccups but they can be resolved easily while editing. Great concept and it is a well written story too.

Thank you so much for choosing me. Keep writing!!