"Because Grace.." she said sighing "..I want you all for myself"
I was shocked of what she just said. This was probably the last thing I expected from someone to say, anyone other than Camila honestly...especially Ellie.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. She lied to me, she bullied me, she made me feel bad about myself, she made me hate myself for God's sake but..she was there to comfort me, to save me from that guy, to make sure I was okay.
We just stood there in silence, my lips parted as my breathe got caught up in my throat, no words getting out of my mouth, she stood there nervously looking at me.
She took a step closer to me, I didn't back up and just looked up at her. I felt her hands on my waist pulling me closer to her. She closed her eyes as she leaned in, placing her lips on mine.
I pushed her back immediately "I'm sorry Ellie but I have Camila. I can't cheat on her like that" I said laughing nervously "but who do you want? Me or Camila?"
She hit me with a question I was expecting but still didn't know the answer to. Her or Camila?
"I don't know-" she held my hand and kissed it "if you want me to explain everything I will. I will do anything to be with you"
I pulled my hand back, wiping the single tear that came down her cheek "it's not that El..it's just my feelings are all around the place. You're really pretty and nice sometimes but Camila..I really like her"
"Oh.." she swallowed really hard and nodded "..yeah okay, it's okay. It's my fault after all, I ruined things before they even started" she was on the edge of crying and it was obvious.
"At least I'm good at something. Ruining everything" she said laughing and looking around trying to fight her tears back.
"Ellie-" she shook her head not even letting me talk "I swear to god if you apologize Grace, I won't be able to take it okay? You're too pure, your heart is too beautiful for this world. You'd be apologizing if you saw a cat without a house or if you saw a person sitting alone and I adore that about you, you care for everyone and everything"
Tears filled my eyes as I saw her eyes sparkling from the tears but she wouldn't let them leave her eyes, she was trying her best to push it back and not cry.
"I'm not good for you El" I said, wanting to at least make her feel a little better "if you're not good for me then no one in this world is"
"El look at me" I cupped her face and forced her to look me in the eyes "I don't care about what ever is gonna happen between me and Camila but you need to find someone other than me. I'm destroyed and you're in denial of the pain you're going through, it's okay to show feelings, it's okay to cry..it won't make me think you're weak but even if I wasn't with Camila, we won't be good and you know it"
"I'll try to be good enough for you-" she was saying something but I shook my head, placing a kiss on her cheek "go make someone else happy, I'm already happy. For the first time in years, I've felt true happiness and I would really like to keep it this way"
I backed away, letting my hands fall from her face. I saw her bottom lip start quivering slightly "please Grace" she begged, her tears falling down her cheek, not being able to hold them back anymore.
"I'm sorry" i said. I walked past her, wiping my tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, hearing her sniff from behind me made my heart ache.
"Goodnight" I heard her say. I turned around and smiled slightly, seeing her not standing straight looking like she's weak and barely even able to stand on her feet.
"Goodnight El" I walked in my room and closed the door, locking it and resting my back on it.
I slid down the door and took a deep breathe "I'm sorry for making things hard on you. Forgive me Grace" I heard her say from the other side of the door.
"It's okay" I said trying to sound okay but I just wanted to cry. I don't know what's happening, I've never been put in a situation like this nor did I think I'll ever be in a situation like this.
"Sweet dreams, beautiful" she said. I heard her door close and get locked.
Why? Just why?
YOU ARE READING
Toxic love // lesbian story (intersex/g!p x girl)General Fiction
"Why are you mad at me?" I asked nervously, looking down. I didn't know it would make her mad that I had someone over to comfort me, i didn't want to call her so I won't annoy her. "Because Grace.." she said sighing "..I want you all for myself" ...