It Wasn't Supposed To Happen

44

Aniruddh's question brought all her emotions and fears together.

" I waited for my periods." Bondita started. " But I was too late. I thought...I would tell you the... the truth once I got my cycles. I was scared. And then... I did bleed."

Aniruddh did not know what that meant. All he knew was the cycles stopped once pregnant.

" But it was not like usual. It was like I bled for a few moments and it stopped. It happened again. A few times..."

" Bondita...?" Aniruddh was hurt. " You...you know what blunder... You should have said something." She wasn't supposed to go through it by herself, all alone.

" I was scared..." She looked down at her hands that held her sheets up.

" But you didn't have to be alone..."

" I thought... telling you this would make you leave me... leave me alone..."

" Why would you think that...?"

" You have done it before..."

Aniruddh fell silent. He had made it seem like that before. But he also had cleared it to her that it was all an act. That he would never actually leave her when in need. But he still had to prove her. Actions did speak louder than words and it was his time to act and not just speak out promises.

" Bondita... You know why I did that. I know it was the worst thing I did but... Didn't I tell you...there is nothing in this world that can make me leave you..." He wanted to hold her hand, bring her close. But he couldn't.
And he realised that maybe she was scared of this. The distance between them even though they were se close. Thinking before speaking, calculating before touching, shying away instead of sharing.
And he understood her fear. He felt, he knew it had come true.

" Pati Babu..." She folded her knees to her chin and rested her face on them. " Can I share something with you..."

" Anything Bondita..."

" You had to marry me...a child to save me from sati. A malpractice to save from another."

He nodded...it was the truth. Choosing a lesser sin.

" I should have left you... Back then, l should have left you in that polygamous marriage and moved to Dalhousie."

Aniruddh went still. What was she saying ?

Bondita knew her Pati Babu would never rape her but what if she had said no that night ? How long could have he controlled himself before actually forcing himself on her. She still didn't understand if she was raped that night or not but would have definitely ended up being raped even if she said no.

" Wouldn't it have been better to see you with another woman then to get raped by my own husband...?"

Aniruddh was having difficulty in answering.

" Bondita...it is not just black and white... It..."

" If I did have to choose a pain for myself, wouldn't that have been better...?"

" You... listen to me Bondita..." As softly as he could call her. She might over think these things. It was not good for her right now.

" I am scared Pati Babu..." Bondita looked at him. She did look pale. Her red eyes contrast to her pale skin. " I was not this scared back then. I had seen munshi and other people with two wifes. Had not thought much of it. It was you who told me that polygamy was wrong. People fed me stupid things about feelings. I felt back then was jealousy and anger. But right now...it all feels so small. Those pains that had gripped me for years look futile in front of this..."