Mission Wall-E || Jakehoon

Twenty-six: The Scientist

It took a month for them to finally leave Thailand. The first week after Jungwon had left was bad, to say the least. But the second and third were the worst. At least that's how Sunghoon saw it. The first week felt lethargic. It began with them all sleeping in to make up for how early they'd gotten up the day before, and how late they had remained awake, him being the first up. It was one of those days where everything felt off and a little wrong. As water from the kitchen sink ran down his throat he thought back to the book his father had gotten him two Christmas ago. "The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows" by John Koenig. It was a collection of made-up words for emotions that practically everyone has felt at some point, but no one knows the word for. He barely skimmed the book back then. He didn't read much in general that year, he was too busy focusing on skating. But during the times he did read, that one book was a favorite.

'Monachopsis: The Subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place in the world'

He liked that one a lot. He had that feeling quite often. And just like the definition said, it was subtle. He only noticed it when things were overly quiet, or like when he'd be chosen as the one who had to walk on the grass by his early age friend groups. He only could see the words that were written on the page of that book when he would feel small. When he'd look out the tiny window placed above the friends of Heeseung's kitchen sink and see the sky and realize he was nothing but a tiny spec within the universe. He'd feel the word greatly when he would remember that only one singular light year was worth sixty-three thousand two hundred forty of the distance it was from the Earth to the Sun. And that he was just a dot on that said Earth. He could die tomorrow and the billions of light-years that the universe is, wouldn't be affected by it.

When he set down his cup of water the day after Jungwon went back home, he realized that he didn't have a meaning or purpose inside his tiny bubble on earth, he was simply just breathing and wasting oxygen that others who were doing much more important things than traveling countries and leaving figuring skating for a season, could be using. He felt out of place, both subtly and loudly. He became overwhelmed with that emotion, he felt chained to the floor within its gravity. And the silence of being the only person awake made it worse, cause he was stuck within the quiet of the nothingness that was everything. He didn't have a purpose. But he wanted one. But he also didn't even know who he was yet and didn't know how to even go about doing it. He'd spent the majority of his life in his head and not experiencing the world. Yeah, he was smart. But what's the use of that when he does nothing productive with it. The first day of not knowing anything about who he was, and not what everyone else had told him he was or was supposed to be.

"Morning."

Jake was the next to wake up. His hair tangled, with lines going across his left cheek. He always had joked about how if you woke up with them, you knew you had a good sleep. And Sunghoon could confirm that then, with how he still looked to be sleeping as he had a blanket over his shoulders and held within loosely clenched hands.

"Hey," Sunghoon responded, feeling a little shocked at how Jake had dragged his sock covered feet against the kitchen floor, the blanket also being dragged, and hugged him tiredly. Jake had always asked first for hugs before that point, he didn't even notice how rigid in posture the boy he had tucked his head against was for a few seconds as he reacted to it.

"Warm" is all Jake said.

"...me?"

"Mhm."

Then the day didn't seem as meaningless anymore. But everything still seems slow. It was like Jake's drugged-like state of post-sleep was an omen of what was to come. Next, the owners of the house woke and complained about having to leave for work. Then Jay frowned his way into the pile of blankets in the living room Jake and Sunghoon had been in for two hours. Finally Heeseung.