Endless loop of madness - William afton X reader

33 checking in

Henry got me to bed. He made sure I drank enough water and that my bed was comfortable for me by adding another blanket over me. He did everything he could to make sure I felt loved and cared for. He really did care for me, and I have the audacity to be sad and hurt because I couldn't have what I wanted. I really was worthless, always was, and always will be.

"Thank you." I sniffled, cuddling into my teddies, knowing they were only things that felt so nice to hug. It wasn't often that I needed to hold and cuddle them, but I felt hopeless, lost, and tired of this loop of him just being an ass. I didn't know what to do, and it was confusing. He was confusing me. He says he doesn't want anything to do with me and makes rude comments, but he keeps being so nice afterwards.

"What happened?"

"I don't really know." I mumbled, feeling so split. Hurt but also feeling like I shouldn't be this sad over it. I never wanted anything from William, but he made me feel so lost. He messed with my head, and I trust him. His words hurt me more, and how much hatred he held for me during the fight was scary. I was scared.

"I can at least know what's going on between you and William. I know, he complained about you pushing boundaries." Henry stroked my head, looking at me with soft eyes. worried, but also with such fatherly eyes.

"Pushing boundaries? I don't push boundaries!" Maybe I did go too far. "All I do is wind him up and say stupid things to piss him off. I don't try to push boundaries. I'm a prick, I know that, but he has to admit he's also in the wrong because we both try to annoy each other. The argument wasn't even about any of it. It was about something I'd said to prove a point, but it was a stupid point, and I was trying to be clever."

"What did you say?"

"It's so hard to tell you! I don't know how to word anything that's been going on because, in reality, I don't know myself. You'll think I'm crazy if I tell you all about everything. Only me and William knew. I don't know how it doesn't bother him." I flood my eyes with tears.

Henry laid himself down with me, cuddling me and stoking my hair. I could only snuggle into him. He gave me that fatherly affection that grew on me, and it became the only care I could get. The only person who truly cared was Henry.

"Then I messed up, and I felt the only way out and to calm him down was by doing what I normally do. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm to blame for the argument, but he's the one that started the argument."

I hated William's thoughts and how happy he used to make me feel. More we clash more problems but the more other things happen hearty moments, moments I didn't think I would of cared for. Moments that make me doubt myself and Ideals. I was a traitor to myself but in the end it didn't matter. It didn't matter how I felt about it all because the things that was yelled at me, the things the was but to my fault, the things shoved to me as if I knew everything and I didn't. Built up Paranoia got to that man, a desperate thing trying to keep a hold of how things were and didn't let the narrative stir off from what he wanted to let happen. Anything can happen like he said. Sometimes they go off plan and what if he learned how to keep that loops to what close enough.

It meant nothing, but I couldn't help but enjoy messing with him. I enjoyed spending time with him, but it meant nothing to him. To me, he was someone I could talk to when I needed someone. When I needed him. What William made me feel was completely different from anything anyone else could make me feel. Have I lost my mind? I refused to have or harbour feelings. Especially not towards him. Nobody has really made me feel like how William made me feel when he would listen and talk to me, respond with something reasonable and even give me stuff to think about. It felt like I could trust him with my secrets and the things I told him. I knew he could use what I said against me, but I could do the same, so we are equal.