✿ first impression: title, cover and description (12/15)
+ the title and cover give a greek vibe. if that was the goal, then well done. tho i want you to take notice of the white line on the right side of the cover. cut it better.
from my little research about the title, i found out it's a 98 sci-fi movie. not sure how that is related.
the title being an unfamiliar word is a double-edged sword, tho. not all potential readers will tolerate the confusion. some will skip. some will be interested to know. personally, i'm interested to know how it relates to the story.
+ in the description at first, i found it weird to start with the definition of a word that's neither in the title nor the description itself. what were you trying to do with that? i'm curious to know your intentions.
the first paragraph of the description is good. it's clear, introduces the characters, and to the point without spoilers.
however, starting the second paragraph, i kinda dislike the change in voice. the first paragraph felt like an abstract description then you switched voices to sth close to the second person pov. keep the same voice as the first paragraph. i also dislike that you were trying to tell me what will happen with them this way. it felt like you spoiled a little of the story, altho, to be fair, those factors you mentioned are present in almost every romantic story. i would prefer if you hinted at the hook and stakes without telling us their initial results. you told us the results without mentioning how they'd happen. i hope you understand what i mean.
but overall, the first impression had no major mistakes. nth that would definitely throw a potential reader out.
✿ plot & chapters (15/20)
+ the plot sounds promising from the first chapter as i think your ability to create the mood and settings was great. but with the chapter's length, i expected the inciting incident to come at the end of it as a cliffhanger maybe. i couldn't feel an inciting incident or a cliffhanger. what would push me to flip the page, as i'll explain in the characters section, is edgar's interesting personality, not the events, really. you could consider sth that happened an inciting incident, but it passed me as a reader.
at the end of chapter one, edward tells edgar the cap has sth for her. okay, that threw me off guard. so fast. they literally just met, and it wasn't even a nice meeting. she dared to interrupt his privacy in his room. and since you give edward this sense of righteousness (more in the characters section), it sounds even more bizarre --it conveys that you want to affirm he has a thing for her, which is too early, or simply isn't shown enough. i think this whole they-like-each-other thing revolves around attractiveness and sex appeal, right? i feel anything more than that from one meeting is too much.
edward threw in some reference to raven's bf in chapter one. interesting. later, edgar has two suspicious encounters with him, but i still didn't know the back story. was a little confusing to try and figure things out on my own. (okay, reading on, i understand there isn't much to tell, and it was a mere few weeks hookup)
+ is breaking the camera supposed to be the inciting incident? im not sure. exciting event tho. also, i wonder why are these two women friends.
+ by the end of chapter three, i start to think maybe you should reconsider the way you end some of your crucial chapters. i can pass the loss of a cliffhanger, but to use such uneventful endings often is risky to keeping readers. think of that.
+ chapter five is nice! edgar's persona and voice shined. i enjoyed it.
+ the end of chapter 6 was intense. it looks like multiple people are responding to the photo shoot with the flag.
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Anna's Reviews
Non-Fiction[ closed ] get a detailed review and in-depth analysis from a self-taught literature student. sometimes, i do special reviews while requesting is closed. it doesn't mean you can request too. but hey, maybe i'll take a special request from you if...
