Just This Much

33: Lies

There was a moment of confusion and disbelief, before Asher's words sank in. It was like she went back to when she was six years old, Christmas Eve, and her stubborn little self secretly waited for Santa to come. She was so proud of herself for being good girl that year and surely, the bearded, chubby grandpa brought a present for her.

But there was no Santa who came. No quiet grunt from the chimney where he was supposed to fall from. They had one—their house in Switzerland had one, rather. They would stay there every holidays, and she strongly believed it's a place closer to the North Pole, Santa's home. Instead, it was her mom and dad who stuffed well-wrapped gifts inside her self-decorated Christmas sock. 

She stood on her spot, utterly confused—just like how she's frozen on her seat right now.

Though unlike back then when the only answer to all her dilemmas was to cry and throw tantrums, she can't do that at this moment. She's a full-grown woman who just found out everything she believed the past four years, was a huge misunderstanding.

She feels lost.

Instead of crying, she had the urge to laugh... so she did. She laughed like she is wasted, shaking her head incredulously and clutching her stomach. It's the kind of laughter that sounded amused but exhausted at the same time. God, she's tired. So tired.

Once she calmed down, she tried to glance at the guy beside her. Asher is now frowning at her, and she is instantly filled with embarrassment. Not because of her bizarre reaction, but because of how stupid she had been all these years. 

All this time... all this fucking time! She thought it was him. She thought someone as perfect as Asher Choi was concerned for her and interested in her even once, but joke's on her!

What type of twisted shit is this? If she knew it was Ki-Ryeong right from the start, then does that mean... oh no, no, no! What the hell was she thinking? Is she actually this petty? Is she really questioning her long-time feelings for Ash now, just because of a damn banana milk? Ridiculous!

Or maybe... she's just unconsciously trying to find reasons to get over this all-consuming infatuation? 'Cause let's be real here, will she really have a chance to be with this guy? At first, she thought she isn't worthy of him and ended up wishing for him not to fall for someone else... but of course, he did. And it's not just some type of passing love, he was head over heels.

It broke her heart, but it motivated her to be better 'cause there is always that lingering thought—the thought of waiting for him. That if he breaks up with Eunjung, she will be there and she will deserve him at last.

It happened. But that girl... that girl didn't really leave him. They broke up, but not for Asher. She will always be a part of him.

Again, she was hurt... but not as bad as the first time. Why? Because she is getting tired. And the guy doesn't even know everything she went through because of him. How pathetic, right?

"Lilac?," Ash's deep voice resounded beside her.

She absentmindedly turned to him, "hmm?"

"Were you surprised? You understand what I'm trying to say, right?" He playfully winked, "I just thought I need to help Kio a little."

Again, she looked at him in bewilderment. What do I have to understand again?

"You're the girl," his eyes lit up as he added.

What girl? Kio's ex-girlfriend?!

Her confusion turned into horror, "I think you're mistaken, senior. That's just impossible—"

Ash elbowed her playfully, "come on, no need to be shy! I know you noticed it, too! Kio suddenly started trying to get close to you, right? Maybe you two can date for real."